He has been in the field for the past two weeks.  I guess I shouldn't complain because he at least gets to spend the nights at home this week. Next week they are going to stay there.  The training consists of similated attacks on convoys, clearing  houses and buildings, target practice, etc.  Is it greedy to want him here?  I feel overwhelmed, the kids are driving me nuts, I have a huge research paper I'm trying to finish, along with laundry and dishes, and a thousand other things. But here I am, alone with my thoughts again.

The upcoming deployment looms in the balance of our future and I'm scared. No, I'm deathly afraid. If we don't get the reassignment to Ft. Lewis, he will be headed to South Baghdad in the fall. Not to mention the two month long trainings where he will be gone. I don't know if I can handle another 15 months alone, without him. Last deployment when he called to tell me his humvee had been hit by an IED, I think the very real fact that he could be harmed and was...suddenly worked its way to the front of my mind, all the time. What if he wasn't so lucky the next time, you know?  It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.  It seems as if we're holding our breath, bracing ourselves for his next departure.  Never mind we are supposed to leave the Army for good in November, because he will be stop lossed. He will have to stay in until 3 months after they return from the deployment.  I guess that is why I need to remain hopeful about the reassignment, when or IF it happens. At this point, I am pretty doubtful about the whole thing.

The island is getting to me. I want to be home. In the mountains with the cold air on my face. 

He hasn't even called me today. But I'm sure its because he is in the middle of the rain-soaked ground, gripping an M-4.  Not a good time to make a phone call.  Our 6 year anniversary is this month. I can't believe we were 17 when we first fell in love. It seems surreal. Even now, I would walk to the ends of the earth, and wait for him as long as it takes.