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Trapped in Analysis

Once again I spent literally hours in a blind panic for no good reason. I go through these spells when I just analyze something to death, and then come up with a conclusion, that is shall we say- not even remotely close to being reality.

Joey refers to these bouts of madness as “oh she’s out playing in left field again- deep left.” We didn’t spend the long day out in the field as we had planned. Our weather has been brutal. We did go on a couple of short jobs, but they were not as painful as I expected. We have fallen into a sort of rhythm. We are both drowning in work, so we simply survive these days. Every now and then he will grill me about who I am seeing, but for the most part we just work.

There are rumors swirling about that high up on the corporate food chain some genius has decided that even though we have quadruple the work this year compared to last year: We are going to get the work done faster this year and with less people. Someone should probably inform him that “quadruple” means MORE not less. They may give us a little more overtime starting next month, which would work out really well for me. I am exhausted and crazy as a bat, but every extra penny puts me closer to making an offer on that house.

My heart aches because I know we are headed into a recession. I need a new car. What are the odds that I will be able to sell my old house during a Recession? What if we go on Strike this Summer? How would I make 2 house payments if we are on strike? I spend countless hours thinking about this. I have figured it and refigured it. I have spent hours trying to imagine if I would actually be able to keep that giant yard mowed all summer long while working 7 days a week. I have tried to imagine living there in the house as it is, because for several months I wont really be able to do any major improvements to it. I sit and try to brace myself- I fear that I will save money and almost have all that I need an someone else will swoop in and buy it out from under me.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. All I know is life seems to be leading me in that direction. God has brought me this far…and considering where I started out, it’s amazing. It will all work out- as it should…however that ends up being.