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The old Joey was optimistic to a fault. It didn’t matter how bad things got- My Joey could find a bright side. I always told him he was my ground rod- my anchor. He was the very thing that held me together. My Joey had a 3-way bypass done February 26th. It has been a long and painful recovery for him. My Joey is not his usual self.
I would think it is only human to be tramatized by the events Joey has survived in the past month. He went in for his yearly appointment- complained of the chest pains he had been having and in no time flat he was scheduled for open heart surgery. No one ever imagined that things were as bad as they were. I know this has been difficult for him. I can not even imagine how he must feel.
His personality has changed. Now, when I talk to him the first words out of his mouth are the count down. He only has 10-15 years left to live- nothing really matters anymore. I keep trying to convince myself that he is just depressed because of all he has been through. He doesn’t feel well and he is trapped in his house day after day.
I talked to him for an hour today. It will usually take 10-15 minutes before I can hear traces of my old Joey. It takes a good deal of convincing for me to get him to see that life is actually worth living. I love Joey. I miss him terribly.
He complained about Cindy again today. He complains about her every time we talk. I can’t imagine that woman is home often enough to cause him such grief. I told him life was worth living. He told me I didn’t have to live with the woman he is married to. I told him to divorce her. He laughed and asked if I was going to pay for his attorney. I told him yes, named the attorney and told him how much his retainer fee was. Joey was just quiet. This was the first time I have ever encouraged him to divorce her. He pointed that out to me. I told him I wanted him to be happy and I wanted him to do what made him happy. He changed the subject. He loves Cindy. He would never leave her- I just didn’t want him using her as a crutch you know? I wanted him to own up to the fact that he is where he is choosing to be.
I miss my Joey. I am clinging to the traces here. I wish I could talk to him more often. I feel like the old Joey is hidden under the surface of the depression he has sunk into. I wish I could help him.
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Posted by SimpleSugar on 2008-03-25 20:07:34 | Rating: | Views: 62
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