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I have a rather unique background. My father’s side of the family is a carrier of the “Stupid Gene” and my mother’s side of the family is a carrier of the “Psycho Gene”. My brother and I really didn’t stand a chance. Growing up my parents were next door neighbors. Their marriage lasted 23 years before they finally called it quits. To be fair, it was over long before then, that’s just when they signed the papers.
My Dad’s side of the family carry the Stupid Gene. They are all dumb as a bucket of hammers. They make these life choices that make the average normal person stand back and say “Good Lord man, did you do that on purpose?”. They think they know everything. I have never seen a greater collection of know-it- all’s in my whole life. When in reality 99 times out of 100 they will be dead wrong. To be fair they are a very friendly lot. They all have a fantastic sense of humor, and are very friendly. They just aren’t real bright.
My Mom’s side of the family carry the Psycho Gene. They are all vastly intelligent, just a little bit crazy. Okay, more than a little bit crazy. They are very very crazy. Half of them hold down normal jobs and live normal lives. The other half are a danger to themselves and others. The half that can pass, at least on the surface as normal, are all very cold. They are hard to know and can be terribly self-righteous. They are analytical people. They sit and analyze everyone around them…to determine what is wrong with them. They can pick an average person to pieces. It’s like watching crows dig at road kill. The slightest thing about you that makes you different than them- makes you wrong, and they have no problem pointing that fault out to you, just in case you aren’t bright enough to pick up on it on your own.
I will make irretrievable stupid life decisions and I will call my mom and ask her “Okay, was that the Stupid Gene or the Psycho Gene?” Naturally she always blames my father’s side of the family.
The interesting thing is, whenever I am out and I run into someone that went to school with one of my Uncles or Aunts from either side of the family the same events always occur. They will see my last name and will comment that they knew my father, and his side of the family. They always grace me with this look of pity. I know what they are thinking. Poor girl, those people are dumb as bricks. They force a smile. Naturally I can’t leave well enough alone. I always mention my mother’s side of the family. After all my parents were neighbors and each side had a ton of kids. If they knew my father’s side. They would know my mother’s. That’s when they give me a look of fear. “Yeah,” they will say, “I knew that family too.”
What an unfortunate hybrid I am. It’s difficult to meet people who make judgments about you the second they meet you based upon your family history. Just because I have inherited the hips and big hair from my father’s side of the family doesn’t mean I am stupid. Just because I have my mother’s voice and eyelashes doesn’t make me crazy. Granted I do have severe tendencies in both directions but that is beside the point.
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Posted by SimpleSugar on 2008-01-19 13:23:15 | Rating: | Views: 70
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