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I stopped sleeping some time ago. I think it is the combination of the stress of my mothers operation, my breakup with Joey and an overwhelming work load. My health has suffered greatly. To add insult to injury we started on another Secret Squirrel mission this past week.
Every so often people in my line of work are privileged to learn special information. The problem is many people I work with consider themselves special for having possession of such information. Personally, I do not believe that “special” is a quality passed on by osmosis. I like to refer to these missions as Secret Squirrel missions. Because these people are nuts. We are all but tiny cogs in the wheel- minions for greater humans. Just like the sign on my office wall says “Worth- just because you are necessary doesn’t mean you’re important.”
At any rate, it was a brutal week. Rob and Terry have been so nice to me. Even the my guys have been extra kind to me. I think perhaps word has gotten out about my mother’s up coming operation. As a general rule, I never discuss my personal life at work. I consider it to be bad business.
I woke up at 3 this morning and just sat and cried for about an hour and a half. I’ve been up ever since. My mother gave me my birthday gift yesterday evening. My birthday isn’t actually until the middle of next month. I wanted to cry right then. She usually gives me a gift early because I tend to go out of town on my birthday weekend. But never this early. Part of me is afraid that she did it because she thinks she wont make it through the surgery.
She is in a lot of pain. I can see it in her face. I can’t do anything to help her and it drives me crazy.
This year has been so hard. First Don dies, then Larry dies. Joey has to have a 4-way bypass and I nearly lose him. My work load quadruples, and it was already far more than I could possibly handle. My best friend Maria is having her own personal emotional meltdown because her son is going through a divorce. She is having heart trouble and I rarely see her anymore- when I do- I have to provide emotional support to her.
And now, my mom is sick and needs surgery.
I honestly can’t handle any more. I can’t. I feel like I am crashing….and every time something else goes wrong- and am thinking to myself “how much worse is this going to get…..just where the hell is rock bottom?!”
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Posted by SimpleSugar on 2008-07-26 07:19:25 | Rating: | Views: 43
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