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Larry was a mean cantankerous old man that never worked. He thought wagging his middle finger at people was some sort of greeting. He would sneak up behind me all throughout the day and yell “Hey!” or “Watch out there!” Just to watch me Jump. For all of his faults Larry was the kindest hearted man I have ever met. He would stand toe to toe with a second level and argue to help out someone he hadn’t even met- just because he felt it was the right thing to do. That and he really enjoyed fighting with the second level. The point is that most people wont even stand up for their friends or family let alone a stranger.
Larry passed away last week. He fell ill suddenly- and up to the last second I honestly believed he would make it. That old man was just too mean to die, or so I thought. Today was my first day back to work without Joey and without Larry. Joey is on vacation. I will never see Larry again.
It’s funny I had all of these things I wanted to ask him. The man had 40 years with the company. Granted he had done little in the way of work for the last 10- but he KNEW things. It was amazing what he KNEW. When I was off work I would think of questions I wanted to ask him the next time I saw him. The thing is, I never did. As soon as I would get back in to work, I would be caught up in one crisis or another. I always kept my nose right to that grindstone, as if it would make a difference.
Larry would take 3 hour lunches and sit at the table outside of my cubicle. I took my legal 45 minutes then right back to work. On the very busy days- I would work through my lunch. Joey would take a little longer than his 45. Sitting with Larry talking and joking. I didn’t. I was too busy. I was too busy to spend time with him. I always thought that I would have another chance to talk to him. I just took it for granted. I rushed throughout my day working so very hard, trying to accomplish so much- while Larry sat just a few feet away at a table playing solitaire.
2007 was a difficult year for me. It was a year of extremes. Everything that happened was either extremely good or extremely bad. There was no middle ground. I don’t mind telling you that by the end of 2007 Hope had very much become an endangered species in my life. I went through the motions- but on the inside- I was very dead. I had started honestly thinking it might be time to throw in the towel. I was tired. I was tired of fighting and trying and struggling and never getting anywhere. I was just tired of everything. I wanted to give up. I just didn’t have any fight left in me.
The doctors had been telling everyone that Larry was going to die for 2 solid weeks. They would say, “he wont make it through the night” every single evening. And every morning when they came in- there was Larry- still fighting.
That man loved life. He enjoyed every second of it. He fought like mad to cling to something that I was ready to just throw away- because I was tired.
I am ashamed of myself. I have been living life like it’s disposable. I have been assuming that I will get another chance to talk to my friends and my family. I have left things unsaid, assuming that I would have another chance to say it. But what if I don’t? I didn’t have another chance with Larry.
I never got a chance to Thank Larry for all that he did for me. Until I was transferred to his building, I was one of those strangers he was doing battle with the boss over. Trying to help me, when I hadn’t even asked him. Trying to help me because he thought it was the right thing to do. I never got a chance to tell him how much he meant to me, or how much I cared about him.
Life, my friends, is not disposable. It is a brief vapor of smoke. Instead of trying and struggling and fighting so much- I should have spent a little more time enjoying what I had, before it was gone. God help me, I miss that hateful old man. God help me, not to make the same mistake with anyone else in my life.
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Posted by SimpleSugar on 2008-01-14 19:53:01 | Rating: | Views: 61
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Lesson learned, I need to learn too, I lost my mother last year, man did I have a lot to say but never did she was 96.
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Posted by Nard2145
on 2008-01-14 20:09:15
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