It was a very difficult week. I have a larger work load than I can handle and my job has consumed my life. It didn’t seem to matter how hard I tried I wasn’t able to be everything for everyone. By the time the week spiraled to a close it took two unexpected turns.

On Thursday I took half a day to be with Joey. We had sex. I honestly hadn’t fully planned that. Maybe part of me did. We sat and talked for a little while. Then he left. He was terrified that someone would catch him at my house. He stayed and talked with me for a little while. He usually runs off right after. I cried when he left. I guess there was a part of me that expected him to tell me he loved me. Or at the very least that he missed me. He didn’t. He talked about the future just as he always does, as if I am not part of the plan. He called me Thursday evening to talk. I was glad he called me. We talked for a little while and then he promised to call me next week.

Today mom had an ultrasound done. She has a “baseball sized mass” near an ovary. She is going to the gynecologist on Monday. I am sure she will have to have surgery. I am very worried about her. She has been in such bad health for years. She keeps promising that she will take better care of herself, but she never does.

My heart aches. I am sad. This is the problem with my situation with Joey. I need a real relationship- not this pseudo-kind of love Joey and I have. Mom has my step-dad to lean on in the bad times. I have no one. I worry about her. Today I am sad.