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DIVORCE

Forgive me but I must rant for a moment. Work was going great. I spent 2 hours out in the field in the mud- and then came back to the office. I got to work with the people I really liked- and slid past the ones I can’t stand. Joey called me around 11. I answered like I always do when he calls “Roto-Rooter”. (No, I don’t work for Roto Rooter). We laughed and talked. He seemed distracted, like he had something on his mind. He told me that Cindy was driving his truck today. Her first car is in the shop- and he was taking her second car to have the oil changed or something. He was going to be at the mall- that is located 5 minutes away from our office.

I quickly arranged to take a late lunch and met him at the mall. I saw him walking toward me from across the mall. At first I didn’t recognize him. I just saw this really good looking guy looking straight at me. I looked right at him and didn’t recognize him. I knew he had lost over 20 pounds- so I was looking for a skinnier Joey. I still didn’t recognize him.

Joey looks at 10 years younger. His eyes look tired and worried. He moves a little slower. He appears weaker. You can tell he has been through something- but he looks great. I was so happy to see him. The usual sparkle that I always saw in his eyes came and went during our conversation.

We sat there on a bench in the mall and talked with one another for 30 minutes. The first 15 minutes, we caught up on funny stories and things that were going on. He would look at me- and when I looked back at him he would look away. He seemed shy- which is not Joey at all.

15 minutes before it was time for me to go- he started in on a broken conversation. Joey had spent Sunday through Tuesday at his mom’s house. I knew something had happened- but I let it go. Hoping eventually he would tell me on his own. Today he did.

Cindy inherited $20,000 in September. She had the paperwork and the money sent to her daughters address so Joey wouldn’t find out about it. Joey saw the papers over the weekend. She invested all the money in a CD. When asked why she didn’t tell him about the money she said it was because she was afraid that he would pressure her into buying a new house. She has had them on a 2 year plan for 4 years now.

He was upset. I can understand why he would be. He was trying to tell me so many things at one time- I am not sure I actually caught the message in the conversation. He wants to divorce Cindy- but he wants to wait 2 years until his youngest son graduates from High School. I asked what if his son were out of school, but still living at home wouldn’t he still want to be there. He stammered about- he thought it would be okay then. Then he went on about how he didn’t really have biblical reasons to divorce her. So, you really do want to stay with her? No, but I don’t have a reason not to. I must have looked at him strange, because he said he had thought he was going to die- and it just makes him think differently about life now.

I kind of snapped a little. The woman spends several nights a month sleeping in a motel an hour away from home. Her excuse is she is too tired to come home and has to be back in the city the next morning. She has several offices that are further away- but she has no problem making it home from them. She always stays over in the same city. She wont tell him which hotel she is staying in and becomes furious if he asks. Can you imagine? There is a husband out there that let’s his wife stay over night in some hotel somewhere….and he doesn’t know where she is. She wont answer her cell phone after 5 pm while she is in the hotel. If you ask anyone anywhere what that means- it means she is catting around on him. You add to that the fact that she has had 20,000 on her since September, and if Joey hadn’t found the paperwork, he still wouldn’t know about it. What else is going on that Joey hasn’t found out about.

And why the heck is he- after having triple bypass surgery- running errands for her car? Are you kidding me? That woman has him so wrapped up it isn’t even funny. She treats him like complete and utter crap and the moment she snaps her fingers he comes running.

I felt guilty about snapping the way I did. I have missed Joey so much, and when I finally get to see him- I take shots at his stupid wife. I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell him when he was on his way into surgery: I was crying praying that if God had to take one of us- He would take me instead of Joey…while Cindy his wife- called me to complain about what an inconvenience his surgery was for her- how she would rather be with her daughter who was due to give birth in 3 weeks.

We walked slowly out of the mall together. He gave me a side hug and promised to call me next week and he would read scriptures and think.

I went back to the office and tried to work for a little while. Then I called him on his cell phone. I apologized for snapping. It just bothers me when people are mean to him. He told me he believed she was running around on him but he didn’t have proof and he felt like without proof he couldn’t really divorce her. I told him he had enough circumstantial evidence at this point that most people would convict her. He told me he was just worried that if he divorced Cindy then it would cause problems with biblically being able to remarry. I was totally confused.

“You are worried about Cindy being able to remarry?”

“No” he said. “I don’t care what happens to her. I was thinking of me.”

It was a strange conversation. I don’t know what to think. I can’t tell what he is thinking. I miss him so much. I wish we could have one of our field days together. One of those days we spend 8 hours trapped alone in the truck together. Maybe then I could figure out a way to help him. I told him what he needed to do was to not let this stress him out. He either needs to decide that he isn’t going to live this way and divorce her. Or decide that he doesn’t want to divorce her and make peace with living this way. I told him to call me if he needs me. He promised he would- and he would call me next week.

Men confuse the daylights out of me. I always end up thinking that we are having more than one conversation. Like there is some kind of conversation going on in between the lines- that I am totally missing. Did I miss a cue here? Was this the point at which I should have confessed that I have been in love with him for 7 years now? Was this the point I should have told him that if he would divorce her- I’d marry him? Maybe I am just reading what I want in between those lines, and I simply would have dumped more emotional crap on Joey’s already over loaded plate. Eh who knows anymore?

Thank you for letting me vent. I guess I do feel a little better.