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Have you ever felt like everyone around you was attacking you? Like somehow your very existence offends all the humans you come in contact with? I have spent the last few months feeling as though I have a giant target on my back. I feel like all of the difficult jobs get dumped on me- and every one else just sits around critiquing me.
I never do anything right. No one ever says anything nice about me- or to me, they just point out all of my many many faults. But you know, that isn’t exactly true. It isn’t “people”. It’s men. Men love to critique and nag me. Non-stop. What can we knit pick about Sue today? It’s like a game.
It has always been this way. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship I have with a man. If he is just a co-worker, or a friend, a casual acquaintance, a distant family member, a boyfriend- whatever- they all feel the overwhelming urge to nag me- to keep a running tab of my faults and never under any circumstance can they say anything positive about me.
I felt like I had been kicked around non stop all week long…well for weeks on end to be fair about it. Joey called me and asked me to meet him for lunch. I drove downtown and met him at Taco Bell. Not one jab. Not one slam. Not one hateful snide remark. When Joey jokes with me and picks on me it’s fun we laugh. He is nice to me. I had an hour with him. It was a good hour.
It’s funny- I was just sitting at my desk thinking about how I needed more in a relationship than what Joey was able to give me. He is emotionally detached. He never remembers my birthday. He never manages to get me anything for Christmas. He treats me like his buddy, and borrows me for sex when it suits him. I have promised myself I would move on from him. I have told myself I need more- I deserve more. He is never there for me when I need him.
As soon as he called all of my troubles seemed to melt away. I am happy when I am with him. Maybe that’s all that matters. I miss him. I wish he loved me half as much as I love him.
Mark called me today. He was quite stressed. We had a brief friendship type thing a couple of years back. For some reason he always seems to seek me out and tell me all about his woes with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for over a decade, but he for some reason he feels the need to inform me on a regular basis that his ex was a very mean evil woman. I suppose everyone needs a sounding board. I try to be a friend to him, but he always seems to get a little too personal. The way it usually works, is he will tell me lots of gory details that I honestly would rather not know…and then go about prying into my personal life. I am thankful the weekend is finally here. |
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Posted by SimpleSugar on 2008-04-25 23:10:52 | Rating: | Views: 73
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Keep away from Mark, Joe, and other guys that would use you as a human pinata. You deserve better.
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Posted by Zombie
on 2008-04-25 23:15:22
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