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| midle skool.. and depression
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ok, so i am in midle skool, as u might know
so this is how it goes down.. i always get nervouse that i will loose a friend or get pushed down the "social scale" wich i really realize that it is such a waiste of time
i mean of course that would mean that i should stop worrying and just go with what i beleive is right or what i feel i should act and be
but lets admit it, it is much much harder sed then done
i keep thinking about it and i should be more worried about how ppl think of me after high skool, becus most of my life will be out of skool.. so is it really worth controling my life thru just wat these pathetic low life that call themself friends when they will stab u in the back without even blinking
i seriously just cant wait till im out of this place and on to better place that isnt fake and immature and that has a sense of what is acceptible and what is absolutely retarded.
i mean this guy was talkin to his friends infront of me ad was like just look at how ugly shelley is. i mean look above and below her chest, just stop lookin at her chest
u probably dont really realize how horribly that truely hurt me
lik just saying that is making me relive the whole esperience and i am so pissed off
well let me tell u why.. i have a list lol
1. it makes me feel like everything about me is horribly ugly and i feel like it has absolutely tore into my rawe emotions and really hurts
2. becus i feel like i try so hard so so hard and i put in so much unbeleivable effort, not to be looked at as beautiful even.. but just to be looked at as normal, just somone that can walk don the hall without being torturned by everyone judging me and calling me ugly
3. becus it makes me feel like my chest is all i have, all i will ever get in life are guys that only want sex or only want wat i dont want to offer and it makes me feel like there is nuthing i can do about it becus the rest of me is just so ugly
(man right now im just fighting back the tears becus it really really hurts i just want to kill myself)
4. becus i think i have depression.. i mean i am a normal girl, i mean im not an emo and im not goth but i cut myself i am always just wanting to hurt myself i even consider killing myself i am never happy, never i always am hurting and i have lost everything i love, i have lost all my passion.. i am goin to a doctor to determine if i have depression in about a week
i dont want to open up to somone like that too.. becus for one im hiding the suicidle thots and the cutting mydelf and the comments i get from ppl at skool from my mom
but i dont understand y i have to be put thru this i mean there isnt anyone else that is being constantly tortured and humiliated durring skool
i mean i dont know how to be happy and all the critisizm is just polain torturing i just hate life
and on top of all that i have the responsibility to be living for christ and it is so hard to be happy with god when i feel so unhappy
i mean i have so much but i feel like im missing the one thing that is truely needed in my life and thats happiness.. help if u can!!! |
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Posted by Shelley418 on 2008-01-18 21:24:13 | Rating: | Views: 60
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| Blog Comments
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I know that right now it feels like life is a bitch. And to be honest, it is. I was a nerd in school, kids hated me to no end. Thing is, once you are out of high school, it changes. Kids in school are always finding ways to make each other look bad, because they're insecure with themselves. I know it is easier said then done, but ignore them. I wish I had realized that before it was over. Don't hurt yourself because of the way others make you feel, they shouldn't have that kind of power. Keep your head up kid. Good luck, love and peace.
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Posted by TheMidnightCowgirl
on 2008-01-18 21:29:25
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john 3:16 & some good friends,love & Most of all love yourself .coachescorner
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Posted by coachescorner
on 2008-01-20 00:44:44
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