ThIs blog is about eveything and nothing in particular. Theres a million things that have been bothering me latley and if i don't get them all out i'm likley to explode.

1) My future Sister-in-law.
I've been living with my fiancee for about a year now, maybe even longer I can't honestly say that i've kept track... anyway, shortly after i moved in, Katie (my future sister-in-law), moved out. When she lived here the first time it was a constant fight in this house, but after she left everyone started getting along. for about 6 months we lived peacefully. Well, Katie recently had a run in with drugs, so we took her back in and are trying to help her cope with her addiction because what she needs most right now is the love and support of her family. It would be ALOT easier on me to love and support her if she wasn't so DAMN difficult to get along with. She's always either on the phone, or the comuter... and i understand that she is used to going places and doing things whenever she wants, and that she's not really able to do that now until she gains back some trust, so she's replacing that with the phone and computer... but if i hear "the nutcracker sweet" (her ringtone) one more time, i'm gonna blow the damn thing up. I mean don't get me wrong, she does clean, which i've very gracious for because, lets face it, I'm a terrible house keeper... but with Katie, theres always a catch. When she does clean she bitches that she cleans the entire house by herself. No one ever expects her to clean anything other than what is her job for the day (her little brother,Katie, and myself swich rooms of the house to clean every day so it doesn't get bad.) and she just goes on this phsyco cleaning spree and does everyones jobs so she has something to bitch about. and i'm not bitching about her doin my job, i mean that just gives me more time to be lazy and god knows thats the only thing i'm good at, but i'm just sick of hearing her bitch all the time. I understand how petty and ungrateful i sound right now, but even before i started to date her brother, I could only handle Katie in small doeses. So after having put up with her for so long, EVERYTHING she does starts to eat away at my sanity, for instance, her laugh, her smile, the way she breathes, the way she blinks, the things she says, the sound of her voice & so on & so forth,  I could go on for hours, but i figure i'll spare you the time. The thing that gets me the worst is if everything that goes on in this house doesn't revolve around her, she's throwing a hissy fit until someone either bows down and kisses her ass or tells her to shut the hell up or get the hell out. Although her ass may be a big as the sun, what she doesn't seem to understand is that the world does not revolve around her.

2) I feel FAT.
When i was a freshman in high school i weighed about 110 lbs... by the end of my freshman year i weighed about 130, I top out now at about 150. I understand that I'm not fat, and i don't want to be a frickin stick figure anymore, but i'm not happy with myself, i don't like this or i don't like that. And although Anthony (my fiancee) tells me he loves me and he loves the way i look, I just can't handle it anymore. It seems like the more i say i'm going to loose weight, the less i actually do to achieve that goal. since i decided to loose weight about 4 months ago i've actually gained about 15 lbs. So this time around i'm actually trying, eating better foods, and eating less than what i used to, I also work out regularly. I realize that it will take time to actually be down to the size i'm comfortable at, but i'm some reason, not very confident that i'm going to be able to reach my goal. My fiancee is acting as a slave driver, constantly making sure i do my exercises, and do them correctly, and always telling me "if you eat that (fill in the blank) your ass is only going to get bigger" which determines me, but also makes me feel like shit. make any sense? no? well it doesn't to me either. I'm like a big frigging blimp of confusion right now.

3) I've become "one of the guys".
Anthony and I have been together for almost a year and a half now, needless to say we know pretty much everything about each other, So, in a feeble attempt on my part to keep things fun for the both of us I try to do new things for him (not just in the bedroom), like working out with him, or taking his entire family to a wrestling event (they're big wrestling fans), allowing him to go to the bar with his friends while i stay at home and watch his daughter, or attempting to envolve myself in sports... (which i might add is VERY hard for me bacuse i've NEVER been good at physical activity... any kind what so ever... that... and i've got terrible hand i coordination, but thats another story). Theres only really one downfall to all of this, now, instead of talking to me as if i were his fiancee, he picks on me and messes with me as if i were just one of the guys. when it's me and him alone, it's a bit different, he's slightly more afftectionate, but when his friends are around,  it's like i suddenly grow a penis.  It never used to be like this, he use dot bitch that i never did anything fun with him, and whined too much when they would occacionally pick on me, but now that i'm doing better about all that, it's like he forgets i'm even female, let alone his fiancee. WHAT THE FLIPPIN CRACKERS?!?!