So ...despite a complete lack of hours in the day...Ry and I are participating in the beginning stages of forming an artist collective, on the urging of one of our close friends. The only problem is... that when our friend suggested that we do this - form a safe place for actors to come together and explore and train and put it all out there...he actually had something else completely in mind, and we didn't realize it until after I invited people under the context of what we thought it to be...here's the wording I actually used " we're forming a collective artists with the love of being and doing together, and from the group's joint experience allowing theatre, film and art, as a whole, to be born. "

And everyone was so excited! And so was I... I had gone from second guessing the point of it, to being completely inspired and seeing the powerful impact it could really have!

And it was a series of manifestations that came really promptly that led me to this realization.

I was doubtful...

...then... I opened a book and the first passage was all about true collaboration and cooperation, and how it only comes from the love of doing what it is your doing without emphasizing the end result.

Hmmm...needed to hear that..

Then, Ry and I go to an open rehearsal for a Theatre company in town and they kept stressing that the power of their pieces come from the joint experience that comes from them training their sensitivity and craft as a group.

So, I was fueled! ready to create something dynamically different than anything else we've experienced! Something deeper! Truer! Something that would take us all to the next level as actors!

...Then...I touch base with our, friend...who is wonderful, and talented, and very skilled, and it turns out...what he had in mind...was that we'd get together, say " this is what I want to work on as an individual" then we'd go off separately...work on it...then come back together and watch each other...

I couldn't hold back... this was so far from what I had envisioned, and so far from what I had now led other people to believe that they would be getting involved with... that I just couldn't keep quiet...

What I was having a really hard time getting across to him, was that the individual attention to his and everyone's craft would still be given...That instead it would be deepened and strengthened by the investment into the group consciences. That we would go so much father in or individual discovery because we would have the group's energy focused toward that goal. There would be no observers of that discovery.. we would all be active participants.

And maintaining that awareness within you takes practice. It can be easy to say you are open to, or "doing" these things, but unless you actually are putting the time and effort into building and maintaining that awareness, then you're not going to develop that inherent sense memory with it, and thereby be able to effortlessly access it even when we are put in situations that are not nearly as open, and everyone is there to just get there individual jobs done. Instead, we would have cultivated the ability to infuse "magic" into every situation, almost imperceptibly.

So...yeah...that's what we talked about...By the end of the very long conversation, I still don't think he was grasping what I was putting out there, but he kind of just resigned himself to "trying it my way"

...Which didn't sit well with me, 'cause I don't want it to be "my way" , I'd like it to be the group's way, that is infused with that love and joy. I'm pretty sure he's the only one that would rather it be the other way...I just have such a problem with feeling like I am making people do something they may not want to. And often times, I'll just sit in the back seat and bite my tongue to avoid conflict, and have witnessed so many of my own missed opportunities because of it.