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| Questioning one's happiness... |
I sit here today, going through this daze periodically. I know he's heading out and things are great between us and has been since I've been able to focus on us alot more. Which is great.... Don't get me wrong, but at the same time old memories haunt me...
If he goes there, will he come home with new friends to tell tales about will the women there mistake his kindness as a sign that he wants more than a normal conversation..
Trust between us is slowly rebuilding.. Do I check his stuff once in a blue moon still?! Yes, I guess some times the mannerisms tend to show as if you're being sneaky when really that quick message he sent out was just to congrat a friend about a new baby or a message out to a family back home...
Why do I seem to question his love for me now that things are better... I'm doing alot better being that I take his word, as to going behind his back as often as I used to. He's happy and I'm happy. We're closer now and he's at home more playing a part of the family, as he should have been. It's nothing big but it's helpful and noticeable.
How many people I've talked to, to vent my complaints, only to find out that they are in horrible relationships, getting physically beating when their spouse were to get mad or drink... Or to see that their problems are no where near what I'm going thru, which is great for me, but not for them.
I think I question alot of it because I'm afraid of relapse... Being hurt in the past, I feel that there shouldn't be a next time... That saying goes... "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" I'm afraid to given all the way to only be disappointed once again..
My mind is wandering.. Oh... It's wandering...
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Posted by SecretThawts on 2009-11-02 00:18:44 | Rating: | Views: 16
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