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Love Hurts
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It does, it really does. Now, I'd like to say that someone broke my heart and give you all sorts of drama about that, but there's no one even remotely interesting in a romantic sense at my high school.
No, this is about Drew. I guess that might be somewhat obvious due to the title of this blog. After all, when I talk love-talk, Drew has a slight tendency to appear in the rant/conversation, yeah?
The only thing different about this is that now Drew's heart's been broken, not mine. (Not that it was actually broken, anyway. It was more like bruised. Not that it matters. Anyway.) And, I'd love to go into deep details of our phone conversation, but I think I can summarize what was said in about an hour into about five sentences and less. Count with me:
Drew liked this person, who had signs of liking him back. This person apparently didn't know what they felt with Drew, but he claims that they had wanted to make out with him and thought he was hot. (I trust Drew to tell me the truth. No sense in creating a phony sob story.) But, by the end of the week, the said person decideds that they were just confused. Which is why Drew is the tiniest bit depressed. But he still has a sliver of hope that the person might still be wavering.
Now, I could have done a lot of things when he told me this. I could have, for instance, said "Karma, bitch. Now do you know how I felt last year?" I could have told him that I wanted to bash that person's skull in, or I could have told him white lies that the person would be crawling back to him.
I did none of those things. I'm not cruel enough to say the first, I'm jealous in my own right so I have no interest in doing the second act or saying it, and the third would have been a blatant lie. That's not really my style.
Instead, I went with telling him that I'd like to cuss that person out, that I know what he's going through right now, and that I really didn't think that it would ever work with them.
At the same time, I was still thinking about Karma. I mean, how coincidental that my happy place of ignorance would be knocked down and burned almost exactly a year prior to this? Now, I don't go wishing these things about to everyone that hurt me in one way or another, but it is something to ponder. Anyway.
Then, we started talking about, surprise, surprise, last year. With me and him and my stupid crush on him. Yeah, ever since we talked openly about it, it seems to be creeping into every conversation I have with him. Which is probably because I feel like I'm always bringing it up, but it was part of my life, you know. It's kinda hard to just go and get rid of it just because I took it out of under the bed. I'm not afraid of it anymore and I'm not just going to not talk about it.
So, where was I? Ah, right. We talked a little about that, and then we talked about my high school and how "stupid" it is. Then I told him my fears about college, and things got a little weird. He listened sorta like I listened to him lament about his idiot crush, and I cried, and it felt strange, in a good way. I at one point said that I was afraid that I wouldn't be accepted into college and have to live in my parents' basement paying rent, and he said "Yeah, you know, there's a chance that _________ will change their minds and they'll come back to me and want to date me, but you know, that's probably not going to happen, and you'll probably not end up in your parents' basement."
He said another thing really sweet after that. He said "If I decided to date you last year... I probably would have broken up with you. Because, you'd be going to your high school, and I don't do long-distance relationships, because I got hurt one time. And, after you told me about [insert high school name], I wouldn't have tried to make you go to [insert his high school name]."
Why? Why does he have to be a sweetie? And why don't I get excited when he says things like that? It's like I'm falling out of... crushhood with him. It seeps out of me when I don't realize it. It's like I forget to have butterflies when he says things, or calls me. I forget I ever really had a serious crush on him, and it's like we're tight buds, friends for life.
And do you know, I kinda like it better this way.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all you out there.
Here, as a present, watch a YouTube video that has nothing to do with this post and only here because it happens to be good and Spike is one of the best vampires ever conceived. Forget Twilight, go Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Here's a quote that does have something to do with this post:
"You'll never be just friends. You'll fight... and you'll shag... and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver but you'll never be just friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood screamin' inside you to work its will.
I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
-Spike, BTVS, "Lover's Walk"
Posted by ScarletBlack on 2009-12-23 23:54:26 | Rating: | Views: 38
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