Exam number one? Check. Stressful schoolwork? Check. Hellish two weeks? Fucking, BINGO.

How do I word this? I broke up with Joshua. At first i was totally and completely broken hearted, tears, snivvels, headaches, chocolate and romantic movies-been there. But three days ago, i was smiling. I was back to the old little miss care-free. But today? Life seems grim. Life seems NOTHING without him. I need him. I need that warm feeling next to me as i fall softly to sleep; in his strong, loving arms. I want him back. He just won't take me back, he won't take his baby back. My baby doesn't love me. Oh how do i get you back Joshua? I'll do anything. Anything.

I invited him up to mine, but unfortunatly he had a party to go to-so i invited some close friends to sleep over. Yeah i had a brilliant, non-sleep night; but i spent that weekend with my best friends. It made me smile for a while. I like how one part of your life can be in ecstasy; and another be in shatters. Oh, i'm just so unsure of what to do. Wheres my baby? I want, I NEED to be his faveroute girl. I need to be the girl on the other end of the line to him all the time, I need to be that girl who stays on the line for hours pissing off his mother. I loathe the fact i even broke up with him. I just want him here. Want him next to me. I want him back.

I wonder what i could do. He doesn't want me back, and theres no way of me moving on just yet. I'm just NOT ready to let go of something i cherish so much. How can someone do that? How could i EVER throw away something so good? How? I'm insane, i'm discusting. I'm stupid. I'm.. I'm horrid. I see now why he'd never have me. I'D never have me.

Well.. I'll let you know how i feel soon enough.

Hope your all okay out there in cyberworld.