I haven't blogged in a while, because i've been to the beach.


Was good.


I cried though. Cried alot. I didn't know that my family could be so .. cruel, so mean, so teasy. They wound me up alot, i guess it was the confined space; and usually i just hide away in my room. But i couldn't on holiday, because i shared a room with Josh. I was never alone.

To be honest, i didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be with Josh ALL the time. It shows that i love him alot more than i used to because some weekends i just wanted to get away-and was relieved when he left because i could have some "me" time. But now, i want him next to me every second, i want him tangled up in me all the time-i just want to be with him. And when i'm not, i cry. I cry so much. I cried when he got off the train to catch his, and i was sat there. Alone, without him. I cried when i got home last night because i missed him so much. I do.


-- Anyway; I found a picture of HER on his laptop. Why? WHY?! It made me cry. Made me get angry. I asked him for a walk so i could discuss it with him, and i broke down into tears the moment i even mentioned it. We carried on up the road, me arguing and him stating that shes just "a friend". I didn't believe him then. I didn't.

We got to the beach and i just couldn't do with it anymore. Although i carried on walking, my soul fell to its knees, weeped and weeps into its hands-giving up. Inside me i had had enough. Bringing back this makes my eyes teary.

And Josh was trying to comfort me and give me kisses, and say she was just a friend "i liked her before i got with you, i don't now" he kept replying-but it did no good. My heart was oblivious to his comfort, and i just kept crying, just kept saying all these things.

We got to the rocks and the arguments i had were shards now. I didn't have evidence of him ever being unfaithful, just having pictures of HER.

I just said "Josh, i can't handle this any more.. i just cant" my words breaking up as the tears were  flowing across my cheeks, uncontrollably.

Somehow after a while i started to believe him. He told me he wanted me forever, crying now, that he wanted me and would always love me.

I believe him. I trust you. I love you.

We hugged, and he wanted to climb to the top of the cliff. We climbed all the way to the top! I was quite exhausted. But whilst we were climbing he was like "c'mon! Its my life goal to get to the top" Hes always setting these life-goals, and he HAS to complete them. We reached the top and we sat down, looking over the ocean and feeling the cool breeze melting all those tears away.

I needed the toilet really desperatly, so i started to get off the bench and walk a bit. He grabbed me and pulled me close and said "i haven't finished my goal yet" and kissed me.



I love him. ^^ We then climbed down and i safely didn't wee myself as usual. Oh and i saved his life! YAY! Because we were walking along and the rock he was standing on crumbled and he fell.. :O But he grabbed onto me and i saved him! WHOO! Hehe and then he got an ice-cream and we laughed and talked, and felt my arse a bit. I always love laughing with him.


He makes me smile. Hes my best friend and what i live for. I love you, i truely do. I never want to leave you.




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Omg and my friend Gav! OMG! Hes gay, and fancies his other best friend. AND OOOMG! THEY KISSED! I ALMOST CRIED! i was soooo happy for him. Congratulations Gav, i hope you've found that special person, 'cause i've already got mine. :)




hehe i love how my blogs hardly ever make any sense.


But i'm stressed and doing coursework sooo. Yah. No time to structure my writing!


MUST DO COURSEWORK XXXX