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Asshole and the Chicago Princess #1

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There are times in your life you just wanna tell people to fuck off and stop being a dumb bitch. I find that some days I am literally bursting wtih desire to tell what I really want to say. Facebook is a huge source of this. I will dominant my discussions around this one person in my life. SHe isn't related to me by blood, but by marriage. She isn't even related to my husband by blood, she is his cousin's wife.

I have met a lot of dandies in my life. I went to college at a very liberal college. I have gone thorugh plenty of shit in my life. Dealt with assholes and some great people as a whole. Anyone who resembled this woman (who will now be deemed CP for Chicago Princess) in college or in other areas of my life, I would just avoid and just not deal with.  However, there are things that tie me to her that really pisses me off.

Believe it or not, it doesn't even start with her. It starts with a former friend of my husband's. His name will be (the Don of Assholes or DA). I met my husband in the fall of 2005. He is a great guy, sweet, kind and loving. He is probably one of the most loyal people I have ever met. He is some of things to a fault in some ways. Meaning, these attributes are normally great. However, in the wrong situations, his rose colored glasses and kind heart burns him and it burned me.

I met DA on our first real date. My husband (B.) and I had dinner and then talked at a Barnes and Noble. The man is not the artist of conversation. Some what awkward. I also found out that he is a virgin and was waiting for marriage. Great, I remember thinking. Do I want to deal with breaking in a V? Well, something did draw me to him and over time we really became close. There are a few times I almost walked away from him and I am glad I didn't. Doesn't make it any easier with what I ended up going through.

Anyways, DA called Bruce while I was on a date with him. I should have realized that this ass was always going to interupt our relationship. I, being eager ot meet friends and develop good rapport, eagerly said I would be willing to meet up with them all to shoot some pool. I was willing to do this even though it was nearly 30 minutes opposite of my already long drive home. DA was fine. Not exactly welcoming but not an ass. He was with two really weird chicks but his wife was not along. This is supposedly B's best friend from middle school on. DA met his wife off the internet when they were both in high school and had been together since. They had just gotten married that September and B. was the best man.

So the night ended. Ok. The next time we went on a date, I did tell B. about some recent drama I was having with an ex boyfriend. I also informed him that I had lived with him at one point. My husband, despite being 25, was not a worldy and experienced man. He is a simple person and was even more so at that time. Drama, conflict and messiness of life is something that him and his family feel uncomfortable around and try to avoid. This kinda hit him hard and I was just being open and honest with him. Apparently it gave him a lot to think about and one of the nights that he went over to DA's house, he discussed htis with DA. Being inexperienced, he was looking for some supportive input. DA, being an ass who is intrusive and thinks his shit doesn't stink, feels that it was his job to help B. through this and protect him.

As a result, DA suggested that B. stay away from me or at least not develop a relationship with me. SOmthing to the fact that our backgrounds are not similar, etc. I can't even speak of the specifics. In general, I was judged. By both B. and DA in a lot of ways. B. made assumptions without getting to know me and apprecaiting my honesty. DA just thinks he is right about everything and felt that B. should be with someone of proper background and character.

I sensed something was wrong the next date B. and I had. He was quiet and a bit more distant. Definitely not as talkative. I have a very good intuition when something is not right. I called him on it. Kept picking at what was going on because I knew something wasn't right. Eventually, at a restaurant, B. explained to me some of his concerns that really seemed to echo concerns that DA had of me. I was devastated. At this point, I really thought that B. was a kind-hearted person who just needed time to get to know me and was doing so. He had a Christian background and I thought he would be the type that would give me a chance. DA is not like that and planted a lot of doubt into his brain. One thing about my husband I do know, he isn't decisive as he could be and does utilize other people's input. I like to think that since this, he has developed some balls and I don't completely influence him in his likes and dislikes. I never care what he prefers, I just want him to be sure of it.

I remember crying and sobbing. I had to go to the bathroom twice. It really hurt because I felt in my heart that this man was different from any other I had ever met or dated. It felt like he could be the one, despite it being so soon. I knew the vibe I had with him was so special. It hurt so much to think that he was judging me based on what my life was and how it had gone. I was so angry and hurt. I cry now thinking about it. I had my reservations about dating someone who was waiting for marraige, but I put that aside because I knew something was really possible there. I wasn't going to judge him and throw him to the curb because of a background that I wasn't confortable with and familiar with. I thought he would do the same for me. I was wrong.

However, as the night went on and I kept trying to go over things, as I dreadfully do. I felt that he was ready to just walk away from what we had developed so far, mostly out of fear. I kept asking him "do you like spending time with me?". He said yes. I asked a lot of questions that broke down some of what he thought and was saying. I didn't mind if he wanted to not see each other because of there not being any feelings there. HOwever, I couldnt' handle that it was fear of my background and fear of the messiness of life. I wasn't going to let him end it on those terms. I probably pushed a lot and wore him down that night. I don't think he ever said he didn't want to see each other. I think he was having doubts about a relationship really working out.  DA was a major influence in these doubts.

I was so upset with DA. He was supposedly of a Catholic background as well. My thoughts are "Isn't a true Christian not supposed to judge others?". I felt that my character had been questioned unnecessarily. I should have known that this was only the beginning. After that night, B. stated he still wanted to continue to date. We weren't an exclusive item, just dating. He definitely needed to go slow and I knew that from the beginning. Our next date was with DA and his wife. I had never met her before. It was awkward. For me, it was because I was still livid over hearing about the judging of my character and the role that DA had in it. I was still upset with B. because I felt he shouldn't have shared such details with DA in that way. DA, from what I gather, was annoyed that B. shared their convo with me. It was a huge triangular mess that was only starting.

I probably should have said something that night. However, I realize now that it would have just made things worse even faster. It would have also made B. run even more because of the mess.   What ended up happening, gradually did so. If I caused the huge mess to start then and there, I probably would not be married and knocked up as I type. His wife was all right. There never was any real attempt on their part to ask me questions about who I am. It was like they already had it figured out and I had to prove them wrong. There was always this cloud over me like i wasn't worthy of being in their prescence. DA judged me to be some white trash mess instead of a highly education professional teacher who worked very hard and came from the same if not better background than he did. His wife just quietly followed the lead. If I didn't ask questions or initiate, there would be a lot of awkward silence unless B. and DA would talk about techy nerdy stuff. I don't remember much effort on their part to get to know me. It was very one sided and it made me gradually more paranoid.

Fall turned into winter. Winter turned into spring. We got together a few times. B. would often go once or so a week to DA's house while his wife was working as a nurse. DA slowly began resenting the fact that I would be a factor in when B. would go over there. Before, DA could just call B. up any time and B. would just go over there. No schedule or restrictions other than work. DA hated the fact that I would ask B. to figure out when he was going to DA's and we would then plan our week around that. By this time, I had moved back to the same city and was only about 10 minutes from where B. lived with his parents. Of coarse, DA thought I did this on purpose. He didn't know that I had lived in this same area before, my brother lived and liked the apartment building I was in, and I worked in Milwaukee and had been planning to move back for some time. Dating B. was just a bonus in the decision but not the main reason for where I moved to.

Posted by SawyerBaby on 2009-11-13 12:43:54 | Rating: