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| twisted friends |
an amazing recovery on from my mom... she is up and around today, however she managed to talk everyone out of church today...
a preacher came by and talked her into going to church today, and i really think our family needs it... we have been torn apart again and again... yet everytime she says we are going to church she ends up changing her mind or we go once and never go back.... ugh
anyway, now im at home, waiting for her and my step dad to get back so we can do something today... im so tired, i was up forever last night, doing nothing of any importance... i havent got to see my boyfriend since like friday night... thats kind of sad... i miss him.... ive really opened up to him over the last week, and things are going good between me and him...
it amazes me, Alyah goes out with my boyfriend's little brother, sean... and then another friend of mine, named hunter, goes out with elana... so sean and aric, my boyfriend, are brothers, sean and hunter are really good friends, me and hunter are really good friends, alyah and me are really good friends, elana and alyah are really good friends... its kind of funny, and aric and hunter were good friends, they use to be inseperable, but for some reason they just dont talk to each other much anymore... idk.... lol, i remember back freshman year when they were inseperable... i went out with hunter.... it didnt last long... now he is like my brother... he is going thro so much right now, and i hate it cuz i feel like there's nothing i can do for him... he loves elana, but he's so torn... he found out that she has been thro some really horrible things, and he is trying so hard to be there for her, its just so hard on him.... he has turned his back on so many things, and i dont think he really even sleeps or eats anymore.... im so worried about him.... he tried to cut, but i made him promise he wouldnt do it again and he hasnt... he tells me that i help him, but i dont see how... of course alyah tells me that i help her too... but i understand that a little more, alyah and hunters problems are complete different.... alyah's are a little easier to handle... aric's worse problem right now is that he is clueless... no one wants to tell him anything... alyah and sean dont want to tell him anything cuz thats seans big brother... and hunter just doesnt really talk to him much anymore... and elana doesnt because hunter doesnt... she is kind of shy... so that normally leaves him a little in the dark...i would tell him more, but they all make me promise not to tell him... its so funny,and half the time they tell him anyway...they just leave some small part out that he figures out on his own.... its crazy.... and of the six of us, aric and i are the quietest about our relationship... sean tells hunter everything that happens with him and alyah, hunter tells elana, and alyah tells me everything... and i normally tell aric... then hunter tells sean everything that happens between him and elana, and elana tells alyah, alyah tells me.... its kind of retarded... but me and aric are quiter people.... he doesnt feel the need to blab everything, and im more of a listener... i'd rather hear what someone else says before i tell whatever.... unless im mad, then im very outspoken... i just like to help others.... know what they're problems are, know all the good things that happened to them... but anyway, our not talking makes everyone all nervous... alyah is all the time quizing me trying to figure out how far me and aric are...
truth is, me and aric are really close... i mean we havent gotten "explorative" like the rest of them, but i dont really want to yet.... ive just had a mc, and im still getting over other little things right now... if i do anything it'll only hurt us, and i really like him... i dont want to hurt us like that.... and he is a virgin... and im kind of glad that he is.... maybe he can actually be one of the few that can stay that way until marriage... idk if thats what he wants, we havent really talked about it... but that would be something amazing if he did... idk, right now im still telling him things about my past, little by little... he is really wonderful... everyday before we started going out, i woke up feeling like a slut.... someone who didnt really matter... but he makes me feel like im not... that i matter, that my opinion is something that is valued... he gives me respect... respect that i dont even deserve... yet he gives it to me.... ive never had someone treat me the way he does....
the last guy i was with gave me respect and treated me special, but not like aric does.... the last guy didnt care as much... he just understood... and at the time i mistook understanding for love.... he cared about me, maybe loved me, he understood me, every part of me.... but i loved him more then he could ever love me.... i thought he loved me more then he really did just because of the way he understood me, it seemed as if he knew me from inside and out... he understood probley better then anyone on this world... but he just wanted friendship from me... now, he loves another, and she seems to really make him happy... she makes him stop and think about little things... things that normal people wouldnt make him think about because they dont care, or know how.... she has taught him how to forgive himself, and let others love him.... ill never stop loving him... or better, loving the way he understood me, and i hope we will always be friends... but i could never be more with him...
Anyway, thats all i have to say for now...
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Posted by Sapphire113 on 2009-11-08 11:44:48 | Rating: | Views: 12
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