02 Oct 2007

I’m ill :-(

Please post me ben and jerrys, and a delightful young man to serve me hot toddy's,

I've researched this on the internet and I deduce I could be suffering from blue tongue.

Either that or it is the damn bird flu resurfacing?

I do not feel clever.

I'm off to feel extremely sorry for myself.

Laters

Currently watching :
Napoleon Dynamite
Release date: 21 December, 2004

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30 Sep 2007

Je suis bourais....

5 days until St Malo... Woop woop. excitment, much?A visit without Captain Naked? Hmm. Should prove interesting. A lot less flying balls, one would imagine. Or hope at the very least.

The boy has gone traveling today. Quite amusing listening to the parents give 'the talk' about sensible eating, not getting bastard hammered and not having casual sex. (Don't be casual about it boy, get stuck in) Cringe!. It would be even less cringy if they hadn't given the same talk to me and the stubborn one every time we've gone anywhere more exotic than Asda.

Bless.

The stubborn one is making quite an impression in Spain having had long conversations with the drug addled clientele about putting clothes into testicles. One hopes it was merely befuddlement with words and not diposing of confiscated substances into the digestive tract?

Only time will tell.

Currently watching :
The Mighty Boosh - Series 1 [Non-US Format, PAL, Region 2, Import]

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19 Sep 2007

Curiouser and curiouser....said Alice

I just had a maths lesson that consisted of a grown man with one shoe on draping a shoe lace on a blow up beach ball then drawing angles on it with a marker pen.

Confused? Much

03 Sep 2007

The magic of the new..........
Current mood: crazy

Luke,

You are a legend....

No two ways about it.

So the conversation has turned to previous employment, Luke is looking somewhat jaded,

'I've had an exciting life, too' He pipes up.

'....... I've worked at Burger King'

Katy pipes up about having been an Airship captain....

'oh,' says Luke 'I'm picturing the starship enterprise...'

He ponders this for a while.......

'So where do you get one of those then, I mean it's not the sort of thing you find at Heathrow is it....'

Luke on -

The warden - It's like having a hairy mum

Katy's dinner - It looks like you have a cowpat on your plate

 Actually scratch that. a cow that's been on a high protein diet left that.

Emabarassing truths - I went out with a disabled girl once. I only said yes cause I was in a good mood and then she turned up in a wheelchair. I don't think she was all that disabled though cos she moved fast when the food came.

Currently watching :
Scrubs - The Complete Fifth Season
Release date: 22 May, 2007

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01 Sep 2007

What a week!......
Current mood: bored

I'm quite suprised that I've made it to the end of my contract without being either sacked or evicted...........

I think it all went wrong around the time I decided to gift mark a can of whipped cream. I didn't think his eyes would light up that much or that he would attempt to empty the entire damm thing on my chest. Trying to explain to the Captain that the reason you are trying to clean white stains from the mess is innocent and food related is most difficult to do with a straight face.....

Bless. Then our ERA pipes up.

'What did you do that for? That is the last thing I would have given him except for a water pistol'.

Hmm. Mildly later on, The Bosun visiting my till in the endless pursuit of free gifts observes that we sell water pistols and takes it upon himself to become an assasin in the pursuit of my cause. Hiding it in his coat, he heads to the car deck to exact revenge for me.

As I don the twat hat and head to the car deck, the Bosun comes sprinting passed me.

'Abort the plan, Abort the plan!, the enemy is armed!'

Gah! Want a job done properly do it yourself!.

Two days before I leave, at 4,30 in the morning Jean T.Machine, and Patoon cannot stop with the chirpiness.

They must be punished..... so Jean goes in the big white bin....Yay!

Then we get to my last day.

'You've got a button undone', I trust them given it's 5 in the morning, until I realise they are systematially removing my blouse and bra on the back deck and I'm about to be topless in front of my workmates. ARGH!!

A Crazy day in the end. They gaffa taped my mouth shut, and taped my hands together then shrink wrapped me, and the creme de la creme would be my soaking and dousing in flour after having to walk through the cabin with a backless blouse on.

I think I'll miss these guys........ :-(