I need an outlet and this is my blog.... no one knows who I am, but perhaps I need to feel invisible for now.

My father recently passed away... just 12 days ago, but it feels frozen in time. I lost my mother 3 years ago... I realized... am an orphan.

My faith and hope is what keeps me positive--

My financial situation and lack of motivation to write my Master's thesis is alarming.... I feel like I'm sinking and stuggle to envision a bright future.

The man I loved, my mentor and dear friend-- decided a romantic relationship would not be in my best interest. Isn't that just a kind way to reject me? I can't decide. But I am trying to keep those demons away for now.

It's amazing to think about these past few years--- 2 engagements, living in 4 different countries, loosing 2 parents, numerous near misses in love, career and academic advancement.

I feel so disconnected, and an overwhelming sense of failure.

I'm leaving for Thailand soon... I've never been to Asia, and going there is very random and sudden. My family might not understand, I admit it doesn't make much sense in many levels, but at least it will have some redeeming qualities.

Usually when I travel it is like a big "reset button" to my life. I can clear my head and tap into my passion for life. My challenge will be to keep my head clear to finish my Thesis, but staying in bed eating chocolate and crying isn't getting me focused either.

So I'm going to accept the scholarship, travel to Thailand and begin the quest to clear my head and reconnect to my spirit.

I need prayers and to find my miracle.