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It is odd but the harder I look for places with people in a major city the less I seem to find and the more I hid within dating sims and dreams.
The more I search the more lonely I get and the more hope is lost. Does this happen to others too? Sometimes a song plays and hits you hard, or you search and find yourself simply searching and get lonely and lose more hope?
The dating sims are odd too for me because they show me something that I do not have and at times help but at times leave me more lonely. I don't say this lightly and could never do so in a face to face conversation but in reality I've actually never even experienced a kiss, and that also means a lot of people can also guess what other things I have yet to experience.
Dreams and reality are very different things, that I know all too well, but it is strange because the more time spent with only dreams the more reality is feared. It is not an excuse and those that are or have been where I am now know what I mean.
You tend to reach of point of longing for some truth but fearing it and hiding in the shadows not sure if you desire to seek the truth hidden in the darkness or the truth hidden in the light because either you seek might turn out to be a "so what was the big fuss about moment".
After seeking for so long for answers such a moment would destroy the dreams to a point and perhaps leave me worse off then now...
Couples everywhere, being tired, holidays lead to the same stuff over and over again but there is also something about just feeling like my attempt to even find a place to start is futile.
So for now I search still hidden in the shadows ignorant of both the truths hidden in the light and the dark and more or less observing everything without knowing anything about relationships.
Sorry for the same topic over and over, it is bothering me more then normal and I think there are more then a few reasons for it, once sorted in my mind I do want to share those reasons for opinions if people want to give them.
Thoughts too on where to even begin to find answers would be welcome as my search for places to look for others has been futile as most I go are either far too expensive or so crowded with couples this time of year that I might as well not even seek...
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Posted by Ryo_Readman on 2007-12-11 08:06:26 | Rating: | Views: 115
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You know Ryo...this is gonna sound cliché, but I'd recommend looking within and investing in your internal.
Try checking out The Open Center bookstore (it's Downtown, you can google it) or even try http://www.behaviortherapynyc.com/Social_Anxiety.html
for some more specified tools to help...
Also...just being new to the city could be a really big part of it...i remember when we first moved up here, I was seriously suffering from some mild agoraphobia...and I'm pretty out-going and social...It got better...much better. And alot of that had to do with a combination of things...
I forced myself out of our apartment and took classes or seminars on things I'm interested and passionate about...this is kind of what I'm meaning by "investing in your internal", instead of going out somewhere thinking "where can i meet people" try thinking, "where can I get to know myself"
The other thing that helped me, was, as I discovered myself further, no longer being shy about putting that out there with love...i express my self with clothes alot... so i actually started to feel more comfortable in public the more I let that expression just flow...
Also, just being nice. to everyone. the thing that usually keeps us from sharing all our natural warth and sincerity is just fear. and that fear is what keeps us alone often times...so try sharing your warmth with out fear...cause even if the person you give it to doesn't know how to respond right then, on the deepest level you have given them a gift and it will effect them subconsciously. And feel confident in yourself about that! :)
Best Wishes and MuchLove!
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Posted by Shannon
on 2007-12-11 08:56:41
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I will try all you say, that is without a question, and I do thank you.
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Posted by Ryo_Readman
on 2007-12-11 11:05:42
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