Thoughts.com Blogs - July 30th 2008

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July 30th 2008

Wow it's hard to believe school is almost already here. I don't know it feels as if this summer has just been a long weekend filled with wonderful dreams (and sad nightmares). I wish tomorrow i could just wake up and be ready to go back and meet my bff in the fine arts acd. ready to gossip about the latest secret life of an american teenager as we head to find my bf. Sadly it won't ever be that way again. Instead of having a usual bff right by my side, she will be in florida. Also instead of having a bf holding my hand to chemistry he will be in boot camp oh so far away. Yes i still have my friends but me being ruthie i perfer i bff but its not looking like it will be like that. For what ever reason i was thinking about how much i've changed (perhaps because unlike the old me i was/am furious for my bf not inviting me to a moutain party along with his guy friends and their girlfriends (diferent story)) but anyways i've changed. For the good...and the bad. Who would of EVER thought i would turn out to be the girl who wears her shorts a wee to small and shirts a bit to dipped. But hey what can i say i like the attention i get a lot better then what i got as the girl who wore high water pants that couldn't be determined to be shorts or pants. Thinking of how i used to act around guys compared to now just makes me crack up! haha yes i still get jittery and talkative around the crushie but i don't shy away once i think he lost intrest. I LOVE IT! its an excellent way to live in my opinion. And well yes i do get the people who think i am just well whateve it is they think, and yes i do care to a certain point but i usually just get over it...why is it worth caring about people who don't usually care about you? ANYWAYSSS lets get into the juicy stuff...Like i said i have a (sometime)wonderful boyfriend. There are some problems though:
A. He is 18 and going into the navy
B. He does not believe in God
C. He is sometimes just to crazy for me
D. He perfers to brush (major) problems under the carpet
E. I just can't see me and him going much further then just a going out dating relationship
F. He is ready to settle down
G. I'm only 16 still in high school
yes there are more but not really relevent. i guess my problem with him now is he want's to settle down but is leaving for the navy. i'm young and still have my life to live. it's just not a good mixture. he's leaving in september and yes i do love him just not how i used to. n about 2 weeks school will start and i'm super excited to see what this wonderful world has to offer. so i'm wanting to just wait until he leaves to break up but sometimes i just don't want to wait! i mean 7 months to a teen is like a decade. yes i've talked to him about it but he's not to understanding. telling me it dosn't get better then what we have. but with a decision like this i think i should do what i want and not take someones word for it.
well basically thats what on my mind making me unable to get a good night sleep for my first day of my 3rd year in band camp = /
oh! and right now i'm just about pushed over the edge! so like i said yes we do have messa partys nothing illegal just fun. and i usually go but he gets jealous because i "flirt" so this time he did not even invite me! and well that just makes me mad that he can't trust me. shouldn't i be the one not trusting him? after all he did cheat on me...twice...hence my pissed mood everytime he decides to go and party with willing girls.
any advice?
ps. he cheated on me when we were dating after 2 months. i found out about 1 of the girls the night after then the other about 2 weeks later. about 2 days after i found out about girl one i confronted him and we talked a lot. when i found out about girl two i kept asking him if he promised girl one was the only girl. of course he promised. about 3 months later (yes i stayed w/ him) i confronted him about girl two. we stayed together but it still hurts even after all this time. sometimes i wish i would of just left him right then so i wouldn't have to deal with the hurt now.