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Quiet Sunday

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I had hoped to just hang out at home and get my bills organized. That didn't happen. D text & asked that I meet her for lunch. Sounded like a good idea. I wanted to talk over some more of my anxiety issues with her. I was doing pretty good & about half way to the restaurant, something set my panic in motion. I was trying so hard to stay focused on what D was saying, but it was so hard. I thought once we got inside & ordered, I would calm down. No such luck. I finally had to tell her I was in the middle of panic. It let up some, but I was pretty uncomfortable during the whole time we were in there. I did let out some of my worries and told her how I wished I could be strong like she and her sisters are. They all seem to be so strong and can handle anything. I feel so weak when I am in the midst of panic mode. I also expressed how I felt I had lost friends because of my panic. She said that would not be the case for her. She may not understand it, but she wouldn't stop being friends with me because of it. That felt good to hear. I also let out how I don't always feel like I fit in at work. They are just not "my" kind of people. I was very fortrunate to have had awesome people around me when I worked at TS. They were a great bunch of people. I got my job done, enjoyed what I did and also laughed & had fun everyday. Now a days...not so much. I do enjoy what I am doing and the girls I work with are nice, but not the same. Not even close with the sense of humor I have. They are very "girly" and I just can't releate to that. I don't care how "cute" a plant looks on your shelf and can't talk about it for 20 minutes. I also don't care how many shirts you bought over the weekend and go on & on about the latest style of shoes. That just isn't me. So, it was nice to get that out of my head.
After lunch, I started to relax some. I went to S house to get my entertainment book and to sell some of B's stuff. That was nice to just hang outside and watch the dogs play and talk. I then picked the kids up from the mall and ran to Target. Then the plan came to me. B had to work and G&M would be home. I fed them dinner early and blocked off the downstairs. T was coming home around 7pm. I called in an order to Chili's, picked it up along with a movie and we had a nice quiet, candlelite evening together. Just what we needed. He loved it!!! Unfortunately I didn't get to go up to bed with him. He had to work early this morning & B was working until 11pm, which turned into 11:55!!! So, T was fast asleep by the time I got up there. It was still a nice evening.
I slept pretty well, with the exception of the nightmare I had that woke me at 2:30 am. It was about Dad's funeral. It was different and upsetting. I know that I need to deal with his passing. It has been over two years and I know I haven't dealt with all the emotions of loosing him. My therapy appointment is coming up soon and I will begin to work on that.
I have wasted most of my morning. I can't keep putting off the bills. They don't go away by piling up on the counter. I have to get a handle on it.

Until next time......