Why are you trying to rekindle something you seem to be so angry about still? - N.L.

Walk with me.

You were so strong. I witnessed your struggle to quit smoking and tireless efforts to develop coping mechanisms (based on wellness). You never blamed anyone, including I, for an increased potential of future health issues. I felt it was awesome when you decided to consider yourself at high risk for cancer and began seeing your physician regularly. One can never be too careful and, frankly, it seemed an appropriate precaution.

Thoughts of the unknown, caused my tears to flow more readily than your own. We both enjoyed a perception of wellness because we knew so many who were facing greater uncertainties (and with less, if any, supportive companionship). As time passed, your speed walks and screenings became a part of our routine. I cried less and kept my over thought concerns in-check.

The day you braced me with your physician's request for further testing, you told me everything would work itself out. As it were, I was comforted and we proceeded to deal with whatever came of the results. The facts were laid down before us, but I wanted to replace them. When everything was up in the air, I wasn't thinking death.

We agreed to fight it, as we always do. We loved a good challenge and why play the game of life on cruise control? Somewhat ironic, as our own minds and hearts got the better of us. You often decided against wearing your seatbelt, to avoid awkward creases in your clothing. I often decided to maneuver around cats, on the roadways, to avoid possibly killing a cat beloved as much as we loved ours. As you screamed and pointed toward the hapless kitten, I responded with a sharp turn and flooring of the brake pedal.

When our car jumped the sideway and slammed into the tree, my chest crashed into the steering wheel far too abruptly for me to keep you from ejecting through the windshield. My heart was broken and punctured severely. You were projected into the view of a stunned audience and we don't know if your face can be saved. We both survived and have love to see us through this. We live and we learn.

I hope my awakened truth is as sequential and readily treatable as my Mindscape. :)

I was married and dealing with whatever challenges presented themselves. When I was divorced, yes, my heart was broken. Yes, my ex-wife showed an ugly side of herself I'd never thought myself liable to see. I thought we could work anything out, doing so together. I was happily married and, yes, we had our share of challenges. I looked forward to overcoming each and every one of them. I "never say never" so, when my ex-wife offered what appears to be an honesty attempt at reconciliation, I considered it. We both agree that the challenge before us is awesome.

Be mindful, I vowed to take this woman as my wife. Based on the facts, I believe she broke her vows upon divorcing me. Neither of us cheated or anything of that nature, that I know of. I wouldn't have divorced my wife if she cheated, by the way. I wouldn't have slept with her again without proper disease screening, mind you, but divorce isn't something I would ever consider. At any rate, when she had me removed from the house, some other man (police officers) were brought forth to initiate her "null and void" option. I'd never try to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Nigga, please. I was hurt, stunned, and often cried in the immediate aftermath, but I'm still too fly to stalk anyone. I respected her decision and rights, but I never agreed to a divorce. I was sued for one.

What happened happened. So, today, I'm presented with this woman who tells me that she would like to reconsider what has occurred. I think that's a good idea. I don't point fingers or slap her with "you did this or that". If I haven't said so, I was happily married and I'm peacefully divorced. It is fun being single again, but I am open to seeking lifelong companionship. As I've mentioned before, this particular woman has home field advantage. Yay! :) If she had only been some chick I was fucking and treachery occurred, maybe my thoughts and circumstances would be dramatically different. I'll leave that to Thought.com posters who are dealing with such matters. ;)

So, as for the inspiring question...
N.L, if expressing my hurt appears to be anger, maybe it is. I think not, but who knows? When someone has a heart attack or something similarly "Yikes!", they may feel discomfort, pain, and/or increased vulnerability afterward (sometimes permanently). I'm at peace, happy, and looking forward to the challenges all of my life presents me (including sore spots).

Thoughts?