She sat silently on the edge of her bed, wondering why she was alone. Not the prettiest but not the ugliest either, she has spent years in solitude longing for the love of a man.
She was nearing her mid thirties and time was running out for the family she desperately longed for, the children she dreamt about in the night. Her arms ached to hold her offspring, the product of love and the fulfillment of her life's goal.
Today was the day. The appointment had been set for months, the testing completed, the donor picked, and yet instead of excitement she was left with an empty hole in her heart. Sure, she was going to get the child she so desperately longed for, but the family of her dreams was still just that. She would raise this child on her own, without the love and support of the prince charming of her imaginings.
The shower would wash away the tears and regrets of a life not meeting expectations. Lotion, toothpaste, perfume and disappointment, that was her scent that day, it would live forever in her mind as the smell of defeat.
Pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt she passed the mirror and longed to break it, the reflection of a loser staring back at her daily was more than she could bear.
Down the grungy stairs of the apartment complex and onto the busy streets of New York she hustled unnoticed, just another face in the crowd. She twisted and turned through the streets of the City on her way to the office of the baby makers, those who held the power of life in their hands, those who nonchallantly graced those like her with the gift of life, with the gift of love, with the hope being complete.
The doors to the office were steel, unmarked but for an address. She reached for the handle, but something made her pause, something in her was suddenly unsure, is this what her life had come down to? A cold sterile office and white masked figures replacing the fantasy love life she had desired? Maybe, just maybe there was still hope for her, someone out there may notice her and decide that she was worthy of their affections.
If she continued on this road would that person pass her by, assuming she was attached? No, her mind was made up, it was too risky to wait any longer for an infant of her own, a new life made from the best parts of her, a life still full of possibilities and hope....she opened the door.
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