It's been a year full of ups and downs for me.  I want to make sure that I remember every second for the rest of my life, because even at it's worst, this year taught me alot.
I began this year with my heart heavy with love and hope, hope for the future.  My oldest girl was home and my babies were in good health.  We worked the therapy thing like there was no tomorrow and I really believed that this time I would solve the problems which had plaqued our family for years.
I was wrong....the problems returned and my heart grew to feel like a lead weight, burdened with the shame and disappointment of the failure I perceived with my daughter...not that she was a failure, that I had failed her.  She was back in the hospital and my family was yet again ripped to shreds.  I tried to be strong, but strength does not come easily to me.
Over the next few months I realized that maybe I needed some help to deal with the issues of my family.  My Mom convinced me to see a doctor and I was medicated.  This was one of my better decisions in 2007.  I feel so even now, able to make decisions with a clear mind.  The fog had cleared, and though my baby was on her third hospitalization of the year I continued to hold onto the hope that this would be it.  This would be the time that worked, it would all click and everything would be right with the world.
My husband and I grew stronger during this time, our relationship was at a critical point and I think we sailed through flying a flag of success.  We learned how to communicate and came to agreement on how we chose to parent our "difficult" child.  Money was tight as he had lost his job and had to take another with a paycut, but things seemed bright still.
My youngest celebrated her first birthday this year, this was to be my last first birthday in my household.....kind of sad, and it made me rethink my decision of not having more babies....but, that is one of those irreversable ones if you know what I mean.  She grew sooo much in her first year, my little red headed spit fire.  Once again my oldest was home for the occasion, and she did so well.  The hope again bubbled over from inside.  I just could feel that things would be better this time.
I was wrong, things actually got worse with her, worse than they had ever been and she was again hospitalized.  I knew what I was going to have to do this time.  I began researching residential facilities that could manage her needs and hopefully help her out.  I decided on one and my husband and I made the decision to send our oldest daughter 4 hours away for a yet to be determined amount of time. 
My middle daughter celebrated her 4th birthday and I was in disbelief...where had the time gone?  It seemed just yesterday I held my little blondie in my arms, feeding her from her baby bowl with her little spoon...
August came and so did the time for the hospitalization.  This was probably the lowest point in my life.  I knew in my head that this was right, that I had no choice, but in my heart....well...it ached...it cried and swelled with sadness.  I did what I had to do and prayed to God for it to be right.  I left it in his hands, I didn't know what else I could do.
Fall came and my Oldest celebrated 11 years on this planet.  11years!  She was such a beautiful baby and has grown into the most georgeous little girl, dark hair and blue eyes, fair skin.  She looks just like my Nanny, my Mom's Mom who passed when I was young.  I like to think that a part of her lives in my girl.  She wasn't able to come home for a party, but my husband and I went to her and even took her little sister.  We spent the day at Build a Bear, having pizza and watching movies together.
For the first time in a long time she looked happy.  Genuinly happy.  She laughed and smiled, was good to her sister and very respectful of her father and I.  Hope yet again swelled.  So far I have not lost it.
The Holidays have come, Thanksgiving was wonderful.  My oldest was home for the weekend and my house was filled with laughter and joy.  I spent the time with my family and was just thankful for all that I had and I forced myself to put aside what I didn't, if only for the day.
Christmas is here now, and my family will be together again.  Barring some major unseen development I do believe that I will end this year as it started, with hope in my heart and love overflowing.
It has been a good year.