4 years...is a long time...
hope is good...
but all this while as you wait...
you're depriving yourself of the love
that may come to you through other places...
i hope u figure our something soon...

cheerio

Seems you are clinging to a wish while lingering in nowheresville. What you once had/felt seems like some sort of champagne cork popping. Love at first sight that quickly faded. Like two people simply jumped at an impulse...and then wonder why they did it later. Obviously, he is not too ambitious to seek someone else(or isn't telling you)...and you keep hoping things will change for the better. Maybe in time he might grow up and see this differently. But, it sounds like you're just wasting your time. Whatever you had, it must have been just a flash in the pan. Now the water is just dead. You can't stare at unfertile soil and expect it to magically one day produce a garden. Either you change the soil or you have to work something into it. But, I doubt he is gonna change his tune anytime soon.

Yeah seems that way! I guess I jst gotta leanr to live with it!