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09.05.08

I had a dream about him last night.

We were in a classroom with our professor and we were discussing about a project we had done. We were yelling loudly and arguing who was right or wrong...or something but I know we were yelling.

Then...

We were in a room by ourselves with a television. He then manage to get a tape that his friend gave him. He was smiling, sneaky way. We were both watching it and laughing and we were just relaxed. We were just having fun.

The video was kinda funny... it was based on a sorority I knew. There was a girl ( i gues she was the president or in charge of the pledges) named Lisa. She was pretty (bitchy) mad about something. A pledge was late and she (Lisa) was yelling at her (pledge) and threatened her. Then she pushed Lisa and she turned and slapped her. [both me and my ex had the same expression and then we started laughing]. There was a cat fight after...

After the video ended I turned around and he was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. He had a smirk on his face. The room suddenly darkened. There wasn't light anywhere except the light of the television and the street lamp outside. I told him I was going to go. I had the urge to run to him and give him a good bye hug and kiss but I held myself because I realize he's not mine anymore. Then I just turned around and left...

I woke up feeling like I had been crying. My eyes stung and my felt incredibly tired. I hugged my pillow and started to cry. It was just painful seeing his face in my mind, let alone dreaming about it. But I guess that's normal right? I don't know anything about dreams but I think it means something. But I'm not sure...

Just not sure at all....

I kept having this strange feeling that everything will be back to normal and he will be there always by my side. LOL but that's just wishful thinking... we did break up a couple days ago.

And I love him with all my heart....

I know he will find someone HE will love with his whole heart!!!

Well I guess that was my dream and what I had been feeling...creating this journal/blog/confession thing has helped me greatly in expressing my feelings toward everything. I needed to get everything out.