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In light of Valentine's Day...(boo hiss...... hahaha, kidding)
I can't help but wonder what it is I'm doing wrong.
I just can't seem to meet guys.
It was easier in college. They surround you in classes, at parties, at bars and clubs....but now that college is over, I don't know where to turn. There aren't many bars in my town. To be honest, I don't want to meet a guy in a bar. I'm not looking for a one night stand (I'm not asking for a proposal a month into the relationship either of course...but I'd like something with some substance).
I'm pretty (not drop dead gorgeous, but I get compliments), smart, friendly, a good person....and yet....I rarely get asked out by guys. Lately, any dates (or possible dates) I've had have all been because I've made the first move.
I don't think I'm picky. I try and give guys a chance even if I don't click with them right off the bat. I take chances (like leaving my number for a cute waiter at a restaurant) but I don't really seem to be getting anywhere.
So where do I go to meet guys?
I love to read, but the bookstores around town and the libraries typically don't even have guys my age there. I go to coffee shops, etc.
I've heard you can meet people at the gym, but frankly I can't afford the $60 or so per month it would cost me to "maybe" meet a guy that "might" be interested.
I've even looked into the online dating sites a little bit.
So where do YOU go to meet people?
Guys: Where do you hang out?
Meeting guys at work is not really possible...I work with kids so the men I typically meet are married.
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Posted by Quiet_Dreamer on 2008-02-16 00:19:07 | Rating: | Views: 80
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Hey, don't worry. You sound like me 5 years ago. This is a really normal thing in modern societies where we don't automatically know all our neighbours and where we don't have arranged marriages!
London is particularly bad for meeting guys - as far as I can see girls go to bookstores and classes to meet guys but guys play football or hang out with their existing mates - they don't seem to join hobby clubs/ classes in the way girls try to. When I was last looking, I accepted every house party invite, joined every club, attended talks/lectures on all sorts of random but interesting things and sought out a church that had a high number of people my age. None of these things had a direct effect but did increase my circle of friends and my confidence meeting new people which helped.
I hate the gym and so that was never an option for me - why pretend to have something in common with the guys I'd meet there?
I once met a cool guy on a bus and swapped numbers but as we wee both due to move to different countries within a few months I never persued it - still wonder some times whether anything would've come of it if I had...
Internet dating is getting increasing popluar here and several of my friends are doing this including "decent quality" male friends who've just not met anyone any otherway (working in IT, engineering and other male dominated professions). One female freind has met a nice partner this way, though we joke she'll need to invent another way of it having happened when she introduces him to her grandparents!
By the way, I met my husband through friends, and I still think friends-of-friends is the best route as long as you don't lose the mutal friend if you were to break up. Because we met this way, we're quite good at setting up meetings between our single friends who want to in a no pressure way.
I was going to post on this at some point, just hadn't got round to it!
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Posted by rose22
on 2008-02-16 04:12:33
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I'd love to meet guys that work in IT and some male dominated professions! The stereotypical "geek" is so sexy to me. (guess I shouldn't call them geeks then....but you know what i mean). I love guys that have intelligence that I can have a conversation with.
I'm hoping it doesn't take me 5 years to find a good guy (I am also terrified to end up like my cousin who is wonderful...but also in her late 30's and still very single).
I'm at that point in my life where a lot of girls I went to school with are getting engaged or married...and it's hard to be sitting on the sidelines.
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Posted by Quiet_Dreamer
on 2008-02-17 19:18:10
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Knows all about the sidelines:(
But, I am not much of a go-getter. I have so many questions/fears in my head...concerns for my own being(thinking what she will think of me if she found out about this or that) and hers(what skeletons does she have that I won't like?)...that I can't act on my impulses upon seeing someone attractive/interesting.
I'd LOOOVE to meet you in the bookstore:P Don't get me started on Belle from BATB:P
Gosh, you go from party girl to "I NEED A MAN BEFORE I GET OLD!!":P Gosh, you get around. Slow down...if you can? I can't move that fast(even if I walk or think fast). I dwell too much. I ponder too much. I probably have missed 1000s of opportunities. I don't feel comfortable thinking about jumping into multiple possibilities while debating the matter of lifestyle/schedule and sexual activity. I'm getting a bit of a headache just thinking about this:P I was going to make a post about relationships too. Now, I am not sure.
I know a few ppl who did the online thing. One, a co-worker's son, met his present wife at a site...total opposite visually of who I pictured him hooking up with. Another, my sister's friend's sister, keeps a regular dating system going with Match.com...mainly cuz she is taller than most guys and can't seem to click with them. Ends up going back to an ex which doesn't work either.
Shrugs.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-02-19 19:50:32
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Belle is my FAVORITE!
(followed by Ariel, I was practically swimming before I could walk. When I was younger, I used to stay in the swimming pool until my lips were purple and I'd still be saying "no! I'm not cold!") haha
Here's what I think about every time I am unsure about approaching a guy:
1. What's the worst that could happen?
(generally it's only: he rejects me. I move on)
2. Can I live with thinking "what if?"
I generally don't DATE more than one guy at the same time, but I do tend to have crushes on multiple guys at the same time. (except when I'm in a relationship.) Life's too short.
I'm not in a big rush to get married, but ideally I'd date a guy seriously for a year (at least) before getting engaged, and then if it's a long engagement it could be another year before getting married, and then it's a year or two (probably) before having kids...and I want to have a few soooo....it would be good if I met my mr. right within the next few years.
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Posted by Quiet_Dreamer
on 2008-02-19 23:16:25
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Wow...you...really have it all worked out:|(scratches head)
Well, I am in no rush for any marriage or kids. I don't think my life will be any less meaningful if I find the right woman but don't have kids.
I can't believe you are so bold. I AM a "what if" person sadly. And, if rejected--who do I turn to to talk about it?? I sure as heck am not gonna be happy spewing it here to no faces:P And, I can't just tell anybody. And, I sure as heck don't want to just choke it back and do nothing. So?
Generally dont date more than one guy at a time...geesh. I'd hate to be one of the two or more waiting to see if I "keep my job" or not. And, stop saying that life's short line! I hate that line. Makes ppl so hasty and foolish! Stop aging yourself!
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-02-20 02:53:13
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Yeah...I'm a planner. I organize. There are times when I overanalyze. I can be a little type A sometimes.
If I don't meet the right guy for me for another 10 years, it doesn't mean my life is over. It just means some of my plans will be different.
If I get rejected (and it's a funny story) I tend to tell my sister, and there's a couple of close friends I'll tell the story to for laughs.
I don't care about posting it on here because I'm using a pen name.
It's not about 'keeping your job'. It's about if the guy and I connect or not. I don't think I've ever dated a guy that was still totally smitten with me while I was like "eh, you're not my type." It's always been a mutual "we don't work together/we have different goals" break up.
Life IS short. It doesn't make me hasty or foolish. It makes me appreciate what I have, but also makes me realize that if I don't take chances and risks I'll never get what I want.
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Posted by Quiet_Dreamer
on 2008-02-20 13:43:00
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