Thoughts.com Blogs - May I introduce myself ;)?

Hey everyone outthere!

I'm sitting in front of my computer and it's 19:36 in Austria

. I am really, really bored. Today my longer weekend starts and I think I'm going to the open air bath tomorrow. At the moment I'm listening to funny music from Großstadtgeflüster and I'm thinking of what happend in the last days.

There was a huge change in my life because my "long-time" boyfriend dumped me. I have to say that we weren't a couple for the last 8-9 months but we often flirted, kissed and had fun together. Suddenly he said: "Hey I don't want this anymore. I want to find my true love." That was really shocking for me because in this second I recognized that I still love him.

Background information:

The first time I met him was when I was 14 years old. It wasn't love at first sight because firstly I really liked his best friend. After a few months I fell in love with him and we were a couple for about 2 1/2 months. Then he dumped me and for me a world broke down. He was my first love and I really liked him because in grammar school my schoolmates bullied me all the time and I never thought that a boy would fall in love with me.

The next 4 months I was a little bit depressive and almost everytime sad. Then the twist because he contacted me and we started to meet again. He asked me if I would stay with him again and then we were a couple for almost 2 years. Oneday I broke up with him because he ignored me all the time and never agreed to my wishes and my needs. 2 or 3 weeks later I met another boy called Mike and he seemd so nice but he was a bittersweet disappointment :( :( :(

Last January Tom (the long-time boyfriend) said to me that I am so pretty and he still loves me but I said no because I couldn't stand this anymore. That's the reason why we made a kind of arrangement. Everytime one of us would feel lonley the other would be there to cheer him up. It wasn't really a relationship because we never showed us togehter in public. This was our little secret we kept but after a while our best friends noticed that we hide something and so we told them. They were the only who knew it.

Now it's over because he wants to find a girl who loves him like he is but I do. I think it's a bit a catch 22. On the one hand I still love him but on the other hand I want to find something new. I think it would be good for me when I get to know a new boy or get a boyfriend at all but it's difficult to find boys who hasthe same interests like me. Even though I appear really self-confident I sometimes lose my way.

So I think I'm going to watch TV now.

Bye