Music;; Make Up by Adult Child
Mood;; depressed

    I know I've never been popular with people considering a lot of homophobes hate that I'm openly bisexual and very proud that I've been with girls and guys alike in the past along with having crossdressing tendancies where I will dress in baggy clothing, pin my hair under a hat, and bind my chest down. I also have a strange taste in music, litterature, hobbies, friends, and fashion. I've never settled for just being another brick in the wall but instead I've always taken pride in standing out and being different. This has all lead to constant bulling that seems to be brought up again and again.

    When I was growing up I never had any friends because I was overweight, refused to listen to boybands and instead enjoyed the sounds of The Eagles and listened to songs like Band on the Run, because I dressed in big pants and baggy sweaters instead of skirts, and durring gym class I'd be caught staring at other girls in the dressing rooms. People refused to talk to me and I was the subject of constant torment. To be added to all of this at age seven voices started to plague my head and terrors attacked my subconcious as I slept. Nobody would or could understand me and what I heard, saw, felt, and imagined. My mind became morbid and twisted with visions of the innards of animals and the scent of blood. By the seventh grade I had one friend and began self mutilation. In the eight grade I attempted suicide but was saved by somebody who I will never be able to thank enough. She called me her little sister and protected me from the harsh words of others.

    For high school she went to an arts acadamy for violin and I went to the local high school pretty much alone. I was stronger then, however, so when the taunts and rumours returned I was able to fight them off with a cold smirk and a cynical and sarcastic word or two. The tables had turned and I was in control of my life. Grade nine was the year I had finally decided to come out of the closet and openly admit to being bisexual. When I did the rumours spread like wildfire and the feedback I recieved was either positive or negative; there was no inbetween. Many people rejected me, cornered me in the hallways, taunted and mocked me openly. Out of anger I began to find ways to make the pain and the voices dissapear so I began to smoke and drink every chance I got. Some times I was so drunk I wouldn't remember what had happened. That was when I met the man who acted as my sheild.

    He got me out of depression and made me stronger and who I am today. We're still together and I'll never be able to thank him enough.

    The point of this is, though, that despite some people being different, you should act condesending towards them, or mock and tease them. It does lead many kids to suicide and very few will find a guardian angel like I did. Besides, you never know how far somebody has already been pushed and what it'll take to send them over the edge.

sealed with a kiss