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Honesty

Its taken a couple hours or so and I think I have gotten the hang of this. I feel the need to write about honesty and its repercussions.

When it comes to HIV I feel the need to be completely honest with any potential partner. This is turn has caused me to be shunned at times. I am very forthcoming with my status. It is not something that I hide. I do feel a bit more disgusting at times when I reveal it to more and more individuals. It amazes me how that some men think you are just the hottest thing in the world until you reveal your status? Then they just up and walk away without even a thank you for telling me, but this isn't something that I am capable of dealing with or even want to deal with.
They look at you and you know they are thinking God this guy is a slut. But this could be farther from the truth. I was not being a slut when I contracted this. I was not an injection drug user. I have never slept with just anyone. It was "forced" on me...you can read into the rest. I wont elaborate yet.
Then I have met guys that just don't seem to care at all if you are HIV positive and they want to practice unsafe sex. This in turn scares me and I have to tell them, not interested and walk away. There are gay men out there who we so fondly refer to as "bug chasers". I have never nor probably never will understand the human being who wants to be infected. It baffles me.
In the beginning up until now I have been discriminated against by men who are negative and it has turned me away from many a potential life partner. I guess im just as guilty as the neg guy who doesn't want to be with a poz guy. I have learned to put up walls and shield my heart from more pain.
During the past 8 years I have learned to love myself more and more. I am constantly trying to put my judgements of people out of my mind and give them a chance. I truly know how Hester Prynne felt wearing that Scarlet A.

There will be more post coming not only concerning HIV/AIDS, but World Affairs, the wonders of life, My two dogs (they are unique), and varied other subjects. I am just bubbling with thoughts to share. I hope you all don't think that I am a pity party...I hate pity it makes you weak.

Posted by Pozguy76 on 2009-07-03 16:26:02 | Rating: