POPPING CHINA'S
CHERRY
 

Yesterday Nancy the foreign affairs teacher and I had a falling out, whether she knew it or not she was about to be on the business end of some pent up anger. I was unable to do anything about it for the fact that my boss showed up at the last minute forcing me to swallow my pride so as to not get fired. I was not even able to finish my classes, I had to phone my assistant to cover for me so I could sit in my room and imagine all of the possible things I could do to Nancy. Today I will have to go through the same ridiculousness of putting up with her behavior and teaching material that I don't really believe will help the students.
 

It is right before my first class and today that happens to be grade four again. For some reason that seems to be Nancy's favorite class and chooses to help me in that one the most. So once again I will be having the pleasure of having her take the class from under my control and be as condescending as possible in the process. I do have a plan in mind though, for any who have read the works of Robert Greene then you will be familiar with the mirror technique. I will push the envelope teaching in Nancy's way so far I will make it look ridiculous to any and all who watch. I am pondering these same tactics in which I could hopefully regain my classes while I walked to the first one. I had spent the entirety of the morning considering the best course of action; she cannot get away with her actions for a second day in a row.

It is only a five minute walk from my dorm room to my grade four class across the campus. My mind raced with various forms of teaching so terribly so as to prove my point but never forgot the other more illegal thoughts in the back of my mind. Had there been others in the room I would have been humiliated as it stands right now the only thing that happened was that I lost face in front of her and the other teacher that took over my class for me. I make it all the way to the door and sure enough she stands there in my grade four class a couple of minutes before the start of class. I am apparently late again by the scowl on her face she doesn't need to reiterate it today though. I cut her off before she can speak " So what do you want me to teach today? Or should I let you or someone who only speaks Chinese teach them English?" I ask as brightly as I can.

This seems to catch her off guard and the look of confusion is soon replaced with a hint of a smile most likely from the victory she thought had happened. I play along with it when she tells me that yes we will continue on with the possession lessons like we did with Chris's class followed by the song we covered yesterday. Playing the simpering idiot some more I tell her that I have to go back to the office and get my lesson book so I can teach them with it. The look of anger comes back to her face, she tells me to be quick about it before the class actually starts. A nod of ascent later and I am running back towards the office only twenty feet away down the hall. I grab the book and tell one of the other teachers there that it is important that the students learn how to discern ownership in English. Much more important then anything to do with travel. This time the sarcasm is noted by the grade five teacher, the alarm shown on her face was exactly what I am looking for.

"Why are you teaching that? I thought you were doing place names." She asks me. She doesn't say it but I could tell that she was confused and angered by my response. I told her that Nancy had ordered me to teach them this because it is more important for them to know. I did not hear her response; I was already out the door and headed back to the grade four class. I walked in right on the bell inciting yet another dirty look from female tyrant plaguing my every move and decision.

"Don't be late next time and try to be a little more on top of things Alex." Is the fist sentence I get which cues yet another rise of anger in me that I have to keep under control. I start the lesson; she is actually letting me do my job it would seem so I start by teaching them the pronouns that go with the subject. After only five minutes of this it becomes painfully obvious that the grade fours already know all of this being how rudimentary it is. I take a glance at Nancy to see if she notices what is happening but she is too busy toying with her cell phone to pay attention to what is happening in the class. Typical, I could probably go on to teach what I would regularly teach them By the time I get to the song that they are supposed to learn she has stopped with the phone and is back paying attention to what is going on. At this point she knows there is something amiss and looks to me for an explanation not suspecting it is me who is doing it. I ignore her anyway continuing to teach them This Old Man, they were of course having trouble with this because they can't make sense of the song in their own language much less in English.

It got to the point at the end of the class where students were asking Nancy if they can go back to the regular lessons with me. Again I pretend not to notice anything content in knowing that it is her turn to get angry. The end of the class bell rings and they are released from their scholastic shackles for some down time and Nancy approaches me. "I will let you teach the children what you were doing before, I don't think they are smart enough or ready to do this stuff and we will have to teach them some much more easy songs. I look at her, appalled at her ignorance, she just told me that I was still wrong and it was the children's fault that they can't do it.

"No, Nancy this has to stop. Regardless of what the curriculum says these kids have to know how to speak English and the more important stuff comes first. You hired me to do this and I will do it just stop trying to tell me what to teach." I didn't say it in anger, my voice was calm and level through the whole spiel. Before she could speak again I kept going. "They don't want to learn your stuff anyway I have more success with what I want to teach and if you look at my contract you will see I don't have to follow orders from you." With that I left the classroom happy to finally get her off my back. Unless that little tirade pissed her off, in which case I might be in trouble but I will deal with that later if it happens.

I bypassed the office heading back to the dorms on the other side of the compound where the teachers have their rooms. Not having class for a half an hour I can implement the other half of my revenge plan. Five minutes later I am in my kitchen going through my freezer looking for what I have been saving for just such an occasion. I found it at the bottom and took it out, it is a small frozen fish which I plan to hide somewhere in Nancy's room. A couple of weeks ago I saw her on the third floor going into her room so I know where it is now. With everyone working at the moment across the campus I had the entire building to myself except for a few cleaning staff people who generally ignore what I do anyway. Her room is just to the left of a stairwell with a window so it is a simple thing to slip out of that window and climb onto her balcony to let myself in.

It proved just as easy as I thought it would be, in no time at all I was standing on her balcony in front of her door. It is not locked and so I stroll in careful to make sure I don't leave dust footprints. I take the fish out of my pocket and place it carefully on top of her heater that is up near the ceiling using a chair nearby. The fish is not even thawed yet and it already starting to smell a little. I can only imagine what it will be like given a day or two of close proximity to a heater. Laughing softly to myself I make sure I have not left any signs of my presence and walk out through the front door and lock it behind me. Job well done, that will teach the wench to meddle in my affairs.

By: Alex Murray