*the following story is for mature audiences only the views expressed are solely those of the writer, and if you don't like it, too bad.

Raply; the bane of my China experience is a sexual deviant and cannot be trusted in any private situation. He is a small man who speaks no English whatsoever and enjoys being a disgusting piece of humanity. His prey is exclusively the male variety of staff and more specifically the Canadians. Why he has a special place in his heart for us as white people, I have no idea but will approach with malicious intentions every time he encounters us. If this weren't enough he his only succeeded by the principal in power and runs the department of logistics. This almost criminal posting however is not complete with the final aspect of his job; he is the keeper of the keys for every lock and door on the grounds.

This frightening fact is made worse because the principal is completely oblivious to the fact that his friend and direct subordinate is a despoiler of humans everywhere. Today, I have to request a new door handle for my dorm room. The thought of him having access to my room is one thing, but everyone is a little much. I hope to sneak in, ask one of his underlings to quickly get me the key and steal out before he or anybody else notices me. I think this is highly improbable as people who know me can tell you, everything I do is both painful and difficult. If a situation arises that is not both painful and difficult then most likely I have done the task wrong or someone has already done it.

To have a better chance of getting out of that awful department with my anal virginity intact, I would have to go in there during the lunch hour hopefully when he is out to lunch, or what he regularly does with his off time, take pictures of Chris and I for the weird collages he makes and decorates his room with. I shudder to think as to how he got the picture of me in a bathing suit, I have not gone swimming here NOR IS THERE A SWIMMING POOL CLOSE BY. This is a dangerous mission and one that should not be taken lightly and is not for the faint of heart. I mentally prepared myself for this ordeal. Unfortunately, he goes out infrequently and I will be relying on blind luck that he's not in there. Saying a prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I leave my room through my broken door and set out to face destiny.

I am in the building across from the logistics department, so I peek out of a window across from it to see if Raply has gone for lunch. I see him putting on his jacket and shutting his computer down giving last minute instructions to the peon he is leaving behind. It is Smiley, another logistics worker, and lady fortune is on my side this day as he will be able to help me and won't try to knock my junk around in the process. Provided Raply isn't just hopping across the street for some snacks, I will be able to skip in and out without him ever being aware. To make sure I sprint down the hall joining the two buildings, I can’t take any chances with this perverted bastard.

I peer around the corner to make sure this is not a clever trap by him and watch as he disappears down the stairs on the opposite side of the building. I cautiously make my way forward, too skeptical to run using my best splinter cell skills. I press myself flat inside the alcove containing the door to which I need to go and quietly knock. Smiley answers the door loudly greeting as he always does with a giant smile. I hustle him back into the room and motion him to be quiet, I am halfway to my goal and I won’t be given up now by an overzealous employee. I ask him if he would be able to fix my door handle right now and with my awful Chinese and his small amount of English we piece together what I need him to do and he picks up his tool belt. Things are looking up for our hero and I glance out the window to make sure we are still in the clear.

I motion him towards the door and check the corridor again just in case my good luck suddenly has suddenly taken a turn for the worse. The coast remains clear and I start a fast walk back to my dorm room with Smiley hurrying to keep up with my quick pace. There lies only one more obstacle, the fact that Raply's room is only three doors down from mine and if he comes back to his room instead of back to the office, I will have to face him and his disgusting advances. This must be what it feels like for an attractive woman at the bar and I vow never to treat another woman like she is an object again, until Chris convinces me to.

We make it to my room. This is the moment of truth. The next ten minutes can either go well with Smiley fixing my door and leaving without incident or there will be one of two problems, Raply could come back or I have no door for the next couple of days. Believe me I will need a door; nobody wants to see me in a comfortable environment. With no door at all, anyone could just waltz right in like they run the place, this is a terrifying thought with a molester on the loose. Smiley is still fiddling with the door handle mumbling to himself in Chinese, most likely due to the fact that it is shoddy Chinese workmanship and will fight him every step of the way. I am playing the good lookout, racing to the window every couple of minutes to check and see if Raply will be returning soon. So far nothing, but with every minute Smiley takes fixing the door my anxiety and blood pressure rise. There is a small snick and a pop and the door handle tumbles to the floor. Smiley is smiling. This is good as we are on the home stretch.

Another look out the window and I see the door beneath me close and my heart jackhammers in my throat. “Please not be Raply,” I whisper and hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Smiley turns to greet the now present head of logistics in Chinese and I am lucky that he will be distracted by the usual pleasantries. I then hear them talking about what Smiley is doing and Smiley being Smiley is only to happy to oblige him with all of the details. Raply turns to face me, that awful smirk on his face and I shiver with the sudden lack of heat. He walks up to me and says hello immediately putting his arm around me and whispering sweet Chinese nothings into my ear. All I understand of this are the words “leo mung,” which in Chinese means “fellow ladies man”. I protest the title saying in broken Chinese that I am in fact not a ladies man. He will not be discouraged however and asks me how that is when I am so handsome. Which brings him to his next part of the festivities. He goes for the upper body to start squeezing my arms and rubbing my chest. Such attraction and obvious desire from a man makes the gorge rise to my throat and I quick step away from his carnal touching dry heaving at the prospect of what could have been next. Raply is back on the attack however and his aim is lower this time (in all possible ways shudder), I perform to the best of my dodgeball abilities swerving around his advances and nimbly sidestepping his horrific thrusting. Giving ground the entire time backing my way to my door hoping Smiley will have it fixed within the next couple of feet.

As he is an underling, Smiley is pointedly ignoring this exchange as he knows what happens in these situations between Raply and I. He understandably does not want to get fired by interfering. This for once works to my advantage as he is steadfastly working on the door and is near completion. It is a catch 22 though, if he doesn't finish by the time I get there Raply will be in my room and I will have to forcibly toss him out, probably getting fired in the process. Some might ask why I simply don't punch him the face. Well, the laws in china being what they are and him being the right hand man to my boss, I didn't want to endanger my job or have a risk of going to a Chinese prison. This of course only increases my chances to be used as currency by one of the many undesirables found in Chinese prisons.

This situation would be awkward except Raply does not stop his pursuit to let the uncomfortable silence take over. His move of choice is to of course put his arm around me and start feeling up various parts of my anatomy that should never feel the business end of a man-grab. He is still attempting to slide in beside me for the romantic reach around but I am resisting cursing in English, while saying I have to get back to the work I left on my computer in Chinese. His creepy smile still on his face, he asks if he can help me with whatever I am doing in my room. I look back to Smiley and he is not done yet but very close. I will have to take matters in to my own hands. Having enough of these creepy games of his I swoop in reversing direction immediately putting my arm around him and telling him to fuck off in English knowing he can't understand. I lead him away telling him in Chinese that Chris was looking for him earlier and lead him towards Chris's room. Rather then deal with his weirdness, I will just pass the problem onto Chris and hide in my room laughing at the no doubt uncomfortable situation Chris will be in.

Raply has his sights set on me, however, and he comes back with a firm grab to my arm hoping to squeeze some foreigner muscle. That is it, no more of his bullshit! I grab his hand, wrenching it off my arm and tell him that he is creeps the hell out of me, this time in Chinese to get the point clearly across the language barrier. I no longer care about the consequences. I will gladly go back to Canada still “pure”. He visibly whitens at my reaction and apologizes profusely, backing away while doing so. He grabs Smiley, who is finally finished fixing my door, and heads back to the logistics department, hopefully for good. I stare at them walking down the hall, occasionally looking back to me with a worried look on his face. I sigh in relief knowing that for the moment the Chinese rape alert is down to yellow.

China must be the most gay/straight country on the planet because homosexuality is not accepted here and can hardly be found even in the more western city centers. Then I come across people like Raply or three guys riding the same moped and I just shake my head, point it out to Chris and say “Welcome to China”.

By: Alex Murray