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I feel lost & confused about my sexuality

I feel very unsure about some parts of myself.

To tell you the truth, Im very confused about my sexuality since I was 14.
Am I a Lesbian or a Bisexual?
Can't be both. I don't like bisexuality.
I'm so confused.
I'm almost afraid of admitting either one.

I am 19 yrs old and I never dated anyone. I never even had a 1st kiss, well NOT since I was 9 anyway.
I am extremely reserved and quiet.

Here's the thing, I never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and I was never interested in dating or going out with anyone because I was always stuck in my own depression, hair pulling, loner, extremely quiet world of my own.

But then I started getting turned on by women.

I mean to me I think most women are beautiful and has great attributes that men don't have.

Lately and recently, I have fantasies of being with a woman, making love to a woman, dating a woman.
But then a man, its like I'm very digusted or something. Sometimes I think of having sex with a man and then being digusted afterwards. I think I am a lesbian.

I love that show South of Nowhere. For those of you who watch it, I am sorta like Spencer, very confused about my sexuality but the only thing is that I don't have a friend (girl) like Ashley to explore that with. I wish I did. I hope I can find it online or in real life.

I feel like I have NO one that I can relate to at school. I have real fantasies about being best friends with a girl who is also bicurious and then it can turn into more then friendship. I would be caring and compassionate to a woman's needs.





 

Posted by Plakola on 2008-01-18 14:49:10 | Rating: | Views: 549


Comments


Posted by
Gwatlan
on 2008-01-18 17:40:42
 
I love my husband and I also love my very close female friend. With her it is only a deep platonic love. To have a beautiful & meaningful relationship doesn't have to be a sexual one. What I mean here is that a true friendship a lot of times is just as important and fulfilling, sometimes it is even stronger than a marriage or a love affair.
 
 

Posted by
werebait
on 2008-01-18 19:09:02
 
it is all up to you none here can judge you i may not be bisexual but or queer but i see nothing wrong with it and also i have no life heck i started blogging to socialize and you know what i like it better becaus noone can judge
 
 

Posted by
MissThinks2Much
on 2008-01-19 17:01:12
 
sweety maybe you should go by he rule dont knock it till you try it. You said you have never dated anyone man or woman, so give both a try. i'm straight but also have dreams bout woman and have my curious tendencies.
Be Strong
Peace xoxox
 
 

Posted by
brainstormer
on 2008-01-20 03:20:45
 
Hold up. Porn? Please. I've met enough young women around yer ages who are suddenly addicted to porn and messed up in the head. Although, one, though dangerously young for me in my opinion at 13 yrs younger, sorta turns me on because she is okay with discussing attractive women to the point that we both are turned on:P

Watching sex isn't gonna clear up anything.

Hair-puller--and I'd like to see some pics to see what you really look like--you are trapped inside yourself for some reason and unable to let anyone in. I assume you found similar traits in what I have said about myself or just that I have not had a relationship that you tried to add me. In any case, I would surmise you could be bi-curious, but then again, women feel differently than guys. I for one have no interest in men but can admit some are good looking/well built--sometimes in an enviable way. But, the mere thought of two men together naked makes me shiver and want to vomit. On the other hand, two women--a fantasy for many guys--is not such a terrible thing:P yet I have been exposed to gay anime and seen some things that did not appeal to me at all. I for some strange reason think it would be kinda hot to have a woman as a mate/life partner/wife who was also interested in a woman whom she felt she had a different kind of bond with(two guys and a girl? no way). That way, whenever things hit a rocky patch between us, she could go to her female friend for "assistance":P and I wouldn't be too concerned(as I have possessive/jealous tendencies). Anyway, picturing you pulling hair out...I see Brittany in that Meet the Spartans commercial...shivers:P
 
 

Posted by
DRAKON
on 2008-01-22 16:54:45
 
No-one can judge you , want to know why , because in reality no-one is perfect , whenever someone points the finger , they have 3 directed back at them ......And who says that you have to choose anyway?.....Just be you and say to the rest ....FRANKLY I DONT GIVE A DAMN!!!....Take care XXX!.
 
 

Posted by
Jasmine16
on 2008-01-23 15:25:09
 
I like of South of Nowhere. I never dated anyone either. Before I was 100% sure about my Sexuality I was confused, but now I know I am a Lesbain. I hope you discover what your sexuality is. You do have someone like Ashley from South of Nowhere. Me.^_^
 
 


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Plakola
sugarland, Texas, United States

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