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I feel like a zombie, depression & anxiety
Everyday since I was 12, I felt NO emotion at times. I been bullied every single day, i don't go anywhere, Im always in the house. I always feel empty because its like people can say what they want to me and I can't say or do anything back or I will get it worse or whateva. I hate how I am and How life is. Life is Unfair. But I can't be unfair? It sucks. I am extremely shy and quiet. I am also introvered and reserved. GRRR IT SUCKS!!! 

Ever since I was 12, my life is like a routine, Im always in the house and NOT going anywhere. I feel lonely at home but when I socialize which is rarely ever, expect for school I feel awkward and scared and I feel like I want to go home and be alone. Music is my way of blocking out the world. I love my mp3 player.

I feel very numb at times, I feel like when ppl say mean things to me or even say anything nice to me, Idk how to respond. Its horrible. Some days I am extremely happy and then sad and then dull. Then its a life cycle all over again. I feel like Idk how to deal with ppl and life because of the way I am right now. I sometimes think that I am better off dead and there are better things for me on the other side but life isn't finished with me yet. My life hasn't started yet.  I have flashbacks of when I was being bullied and I would cry and cry cuz I didn't do anything to stand up for myself. Its like everyone around me doesn't feel the way I feel. Its like my parents are holding me back because they are too over protective of me over the years and its killing me cuz it makes me incapable of doing things on my own. Its like I have to be miserable because of my parents.  I know things will get better tho. Since I have a long way to go. I will tell you about my parents later.




Posted by Plakola on 2008-01-17 11:30:24 | Rating: | Views: 366


Comments


Posted by
Jasmine16
on 2008-01-17 12:38:10
 
I know how you are feeling. Hopefully I can change to.
 
 

Posted by
lulu_still_learning
on 2008-01-17 18:39:48
 
life sux. but instead of getting stuck try pushing yourself to be better. try to get out of the house. i knw how u feel i was once bullied to but instead of letting that control me i sat one day outside and said f*** this i cant be sad forever and honestly music saved my life music helpd me go though that stuff so maybe itll help u
 
 

Posted by
Plakola
on 2008-01-17 18:43:17
 
I am and music helped you? U mean u sing? But Its like my parents are very over protective of me. I hate my life
 
 

Posted by
Plakola
on 2008-01-17 18:47:57
 
But you are right, I should NOT let this control me but idk any other way I can control it.
 
 

Posted by
DifficultSoul
on 2008-01-18 00:14:15
 
Number one, you need a Fire in your Soul!

Number two, it is an illusion that people can make you feel any way, with their cruel bullying. They do not have the power to take your self esteem, unless you give them that power.

Number three, there is hope for the state your mind is in, the zombie like feeling? Changing your mind, can Change your life. Look at life through new eyes.
Eyes that see hope for the future, eyes that see joy in activities that you like.
Eyes that see in color, instead of grey.
Changing your outlook on life, can truly change your life.

Number 4, people only treat you, the way you let them treat you. Carry yourself with your head held high.
Fall in love with yourself.
Truly, look in the mirror, and truly embrace who you are.
There is nobody just like you.
Nobody!
You are unique.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You were created in the Image of Love.
Believe that about yourself.
Changing your mindset, will change your life.
Peace.
 
 

Posted by
Plakola
on 2008-01-18 09:23:28
 
I never really thought about that b4 DifficultSoul, I do need to change. You are absolutely right. I need to change my attitude and my mindset
 
 

Posted by
roe
on 2008-01-18 23:47:39
 
sounds like you are a little depressed also, I agree with ds, but maybe you should seek a doctor who might help
 
 

Posted by
werebait
on 2008-01-19 19:39:08
 
you need to find somthing that helps filter your anger just rememmber sooner or later those who bully you will face the same thing as they are doing to you and they wont know how to take it when there life crumbles around them but you will be there to ether help them or take my aproach and kick them in the balls or whatever they have and watch them suffer like they made you
 
 

Posted by
Faithisstrength
on 2008-03-05 00:33:28
 
I have felt like zombie too and it scared me thinking i might not be able to feel the joy of positive emotions again but i also believe it really is just a mindset that needs to be changed.
 
 


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Plakola
sugarland, Texas, United States

Latest Posts
1.  URRGGG My parents .... (2008-07-22 21:08:30)  
2.  My Career Path Reading from a Psychic/Medium (2008-07-21 21:10:25)  
3.  Success is the Best Revenge!!!! (2008-07-20 20:10:37)  
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