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| How Bullying affected me, Here is My story
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Ever since the 5th grade, I been bullied verbally, and psychologically. I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. I never looked right, I have extreme ance, I never had the right clothes. I had a few friends but they didn't know how to relate to me because they wasn't being bullied like I was. They treated me like I was slow or something. I was always crying. People would call me names like monkey, ulgy, and it followed me to middle school.
In sixth grade, it followed me because most of the ppl from elementary went to my middle school and high school. But anyways I was always getting picked on and talked about. So many people kept saying that I was retarded because I guess it was because I wasn't like everyone else. Then Later in 6th grade, I started pulling my hair out. I didn't know why I was pulling out my hair. But I know it felt really good and I guess thats how I gain pleasure to stay away from the pain I was going thru at school. Then after a while, I started getting big bald spots and people starting noticing. I kept having hair extensions to cover up what I have done. No ONE knew that I pulled my hair, NOT even my parents until last year.
Seventh grade (worst year of my life) I had to wear a wig because I pulled mostly like 90% of my hair. Long story short, People bascially call me out on my hair, guys called me demeaning names. When I make a mistake, people want to fight me or talk about me but when other ppl that are the "cool" ones make a mistake, its like they never done it. NO one liked me. Its like people can do and say anything they want to me and I can't do nothing or I didn't know what to do. Its like when someone is in the wrong to me and I tried to tell them off, they want to use my hair to put me down or to shut me up. I felt like I was in a black hole where NO one wanted to be friends with me, NO body liked me. And then 8th grade, it got alittle bit better but I was still being bullied. And I started to be more attracted to the same sex and the opposite sex was NOT so interesting to me. Then In 8th grade, everything was going against me, I thought that I be better off dead. I tried to kill myself with some koolaid mixed with bleach. I fell asleep hoping that I didn't wake up but instead I woke up nausaous and I was vomiting really bad. I got sick that day. I never told anyone. I was so damn mad but yet glad that I didnt die.
In high school, 9th grade thru the 11th grade, long story short, people did the same thing. I became a loner. I was still pulling out my hair. I was always so sad and depressed all the time, I separated myself from people because people would highly talk about me and judge me and which is why I started talking about ppl because I feel like I can't do wrong but other ppl can do wrong. I learned my lesson. I also became angry because all that anger I had from middle school, I never acted on my anger but then in high school I did. i kept having an attitude with people and with my parents becuase I was so angry but then Like always people always gotta use my hair to put me down or to shut me up. Then my 12 grade year, which was last year, I begged my mama to put me in another school because I didn't want to be miserable at that ghetto ass school. Then I went to a school high school and everything was great but inside, I was a loner and I was still sad and miserable. I am still am today. I am still extremely reserved, I have social anxiety, I don't like to be around groups of people that much. I feel like Im NOT gon make it in life because of what happen to me and how I am right now. Sad, miserable, depressed.
There is more to this story but I shorten it. |
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Posted by Plakola on 2008-01-16 11:46:12 | Rating: | Views: 428
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i now how oyu fell its like every time someone even looks at you you can emagine them saying things about you and after a while you get paranoid you stay home all the time and you get depressed
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Posted by werebait
on 2008-01-16 18:53:25
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Yep I can relate to what both of you are saying. I am paranoid but NOT that paranoid. I wish I can find some that has been thru the same experience as me, people who understands me and someone who is very open minded and NOT criticize.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-01-16 20:00:22
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Dear Plakola
I was very happy at school until my parents decided to move from Western Australia to Victoria. I was 13. It was horrible. Kids used to call me names. They would threaten to bash me up. They even played a trick on me and told me that one day at school our class was cancelled. So I didn't go. And boy was I in trouble. I was a loner. I couldn't make friends. I was soft-hearted and very naive about the world because my parents had protected me so. Anyway, you are not alone. I am 48 now and it took me many years to get through the psychological hurt. I firmly believe that lonely people are special people. They have special talents. I found the best way to make myself feel better was to help other people who are hurting by being kind and understanding to them. I am 48 and I only have one friend. But she is my dearest only friend. She is older than me by nearly 20 years. It is easy for me to say don't worry particularly when sometimes time passes so slowly when we are unhappy. I also have pets. They are great companions. I have a dog named Vincent who I love more than life itself. I adore him. I am married with children now but I never thought I would be that lucky when I was younger. I thought I was a real geek, weirdo because people found it funny to pick on me. I hope you will write back. I would like to be your online friend. I do work fulltime and am not on the computer every night but some nights.
Think good thoughts. If you want to talk, I'm here.
Julie
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Posted by JulieViolette
on 2008-01-17 00:20:23
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Talking about bullying, it is very sad that it is more and more common these days. It is because the systems allow it to happen. Don't feel too bad about yourself, because bullies are ignorant and they are not happy themselves, many of them have family problems or they are abused at home. I believe that in bullying it's not the victims that are wrong, but the bullies themselves that are the real the problems.
If you have anxiety problem, make sure to understand that you are not the only one. Also many people out there who understand and will accept you. So focus on your study. To be a medical assistant will be perfect for you because you'll be surrounded by professional people who understand and accept you. Good Luck with your study and keep on blogging, many of us will surely read your entries.
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Posted by Gwatlan
on 2008-01-17 03:14:44
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Well honestly and sometimes people don't bully people because they feel bad about themselves, its because they think they are better then others, ppl bully people because they are different from them and doesn't fit in with the rest of the world.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-01-17 09:15:10
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I know how you feel. People feel like they can talk about me because im a loner.they feel im weird because i dont go to parties or talk a lot. Life sucks.
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Posted by Jasmine16
on 2008-01-17 20:42:51
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HOw is this explicit content?
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-01-18 09:21:24
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pulling your hair out didn't help....
trying to kill yourself didn't help....
there ARE people who notice the bullying.u just need to find out who they are,and stick by them.
not everyones gonna like u.but at least ull have someone.
dont cry.
dont walk away from them.
dont talk just continue to do whatever it is u were doing.
these bullys are killing your life.
focus on ur work and not on them.
shut them out completely.
but number 1 most IMPORTANT THING TO DO IS NOT TO HURT YOURSELF.
thats a bit insane.
and good luck if u havent already beaten them.
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Posted by okayhere
on 2008-08-18 08:43:16
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