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About the eviction, everything is fine, we are moving to another apartment soon.
Anyways this morning, things were running through my head. I kept thinking about how I was treated in the past, how I let people run all over me. I have this feeling that I want to just kill anyone that crosses me. I hate men and I can't stand to be around alot of black people. I also don't like children. I do have faults. I do hate certain people. I do get angry for NO damn reason I don't know why? I will admit that I hold grudges and I do get mad when someone says something I think its offensive to me. I hold grudges, I tend to want to get revenge. I am not a very forgiving person at times. At times I just want to lash out to dislodge the pain I am feeling from unfair treatment. I feel very uncomfortable with people all the time which is why I stay a loner. I hate when people yell at me I can't yell back. I hate when people can say all the shit they want to you but you can't do it back. But how come I managed to be a good, compassionate person after all of this? How come when I yell at someone, I always have to be the one to get in trouble and the other person gets the last word? This is a fucked up world. Like when a guy tries to ask me out, I get this bitter feeling because I was used to guys thinking I am worthless to them and its like urgg get away from me, Guys are just demeaning jerks. I also feel like why should I give a damn about anyone else?
I can't get rid of this depression. I feel as if the world was crashing in on me. I feel suicidial every fucking day. NO one seems to care. I don't care either. Why can't I be that sweet, nice girl that I used to be instead of a inner miserable depressed person? |
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Posted by Plakola on 2008-05-21 08:53:12 | Rating: | Views: 76
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baby steps my friend. Work on one aspect of you each week, and then build on that.
Don't let it all overwhelm you. Take your time and do it as you feel ready.
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. But keep blogging it out :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-21 09:10:19
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