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Thats not a knife. THATS a knife.

One of those iconic cinematic moments. Crocodile Dundee responds to an attempted mugging by an escapee from a Michael Jackson video by simultaneously mocking his weapon of choice, and then out-classing it comprehensively with a blade designed for taking down small trees.

That image came back to me recently, after listening to a generally mis-informed radio debate about 'knife crime' here in the UK. A mature lady had been interviewed regarding her decision to carry a knife for personal protection, and there was much hand-wringing. A picture gleaned from the popular media would give the impression that the streets of London are one long knife-fight by the under-twenties. We've had knife amnesties, and clamp-downs, but nothing has worked and the slaughter carried on in gay abandon.

Of course, in the US the domestic arms race is much more advanced, and that thought brought me on to what the real problem was here in the UK. That triggered the memory of the Outback hero, and in a sudden, blinding flash of brilliance, the solution came to me.

We should once again make it legal to openly carry swords in daily life.

Now, this might strike you dear reader as counter-intuitive. But bear me out. The big problem here is that any minor altercation might lead to a stabbing, because the person you are remonstrating with may have a blade concealed about their person. But when your blade is 30 inches long, thats a much more difficult proposition. If you did decide to carry a knife to reinforce your unique world-view that you deserved 'respeck', you'd have to accept that many law-abiding citizens will be carrying much heavier weaponry. At the same time, using a sword takes some modicum of skill, so just picking one up and hoping to use it as a pig-sticker is unlikely to succeed; most sword cuts are slashes which are injurious and catch limbs rather than being life threatening, whereas a simple 4" knife will easily penetrate a major organ and lead to massive internal bleeding. We've had a couple of instances with disturbed individuals running amok with reproduction Katanas yet this has rarely ended in any fatalities. There are also some sartorial advantages.

So lets bring a sense of decorum to street crime, and end the senseless killing. En Garde!