Why is grass always greener on the other side?  Haven't we all heard of the Seven Deadly Sins?  In case you haven't, envy is one of them.  Having come from pretty good family upbringing (I think), I obviously know that envy will get you nowhere.  Yet why is it so hard to look at everything you have and just simply say "I'm satisfied"?  I always thought that jealousy has a bad connotation but there's only a thin line between envy and jealousy.  They're essentially the same on the fundamental level -- wanting something that someone else has. 

If I were to do some type of self-evaluation, I'd think that I'm a pretty easy going person.  It doesn't take much to make me happy.  I laugh easily at the stupidest jokes.  I don't need a big house, brand name clothing, or fancy dinners.  Not a whole crowd of friends, just a few who understand me and in front of whom I can spill out my life secrets at times.  I know I shouldn't be envious of what people have but unfortunately as a human being I am flawed like many others if I could safely guess.  One of the hardest things not to do is comparing yourself to your closest friends. 

I have a girl friend that I've known since high school.  We were never best friends but I had always considered her to be a close one.   You know those girl chats?  We had a lot of those.  Once I get to know someone, I trust them easily and there's basically nothing that I'd keep from them -- from sharing boy secrets to what happens in my family.  Well she's been dating this guy for just over a year now.  He's a great guy and gets along great with all of us, basically almost a "model bf".  He treats her like a goddess too.  He buys her all these things and has the greatest attention to detail then any guy I know.  He sets up spa/hair appointments for her, buys her cell phones and purses, brings her to nice restaurants, and gets her random gifts for no apparent reason at all.  Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to appreciate everything that he does.  He gets her a $300 purse and she tells me she doesn't really like it.  He gets her a new cell phone and she tells me she likes the old one better.  He sets up and pays for a hair appointment for her bday and she tells me she doesn't really care about whether her hair is straight or curly.  It's not just about the materials.  It's the thought that counts.

I remember when my ex was moving to another state, she spent almost half our beach trip complaining about her bf.  Well, all in all, I don't even remember now that last time we really had one of our "girl chats".  ONe reason being the fact that we just don't have that one-on-one time anymore -- very understandable.  However, I'm still sad about losing those girl chats.  Come to think of it though she never understood me very well but that's a different story...Another reason being the lack of patience I have to listen to her talk about how incredibly difficult it was to think of what to get him for Valentine's Day, for their anniversary, for XMas, for his bday...  I wouldn't ask that my bf buys me things all the time.  That's not who I am.  But who wouldn't want a bf/gf who takes care of so many aspects of your life, who places you in his/her #1 spot at all times, who does little things to make you happy and buys you a gift just because, who drives to your home just to deliver dinner because you have no food in the house and are too lazy to go shop?

Have you started to hate me a little bit now?  All I've done is bitch about how my friend has all these things that I don't.  But I really can't help it.  Is it envy or is it jealousy?  I don't even know.  Who cares anyways they're basically the same.  It all just boils down to one thing I guess -- she has a great bf and I don't.  DO NOT get me wrong.  I do wish the best for them.  I want to be there the day they get married, which I'm pretty sure is going to happen.  But tell me one thing -- What would you do if your friend complains to you about things that you don't have, with them being the exact things that you want?  What would you do if your friend tells you about how sweet of a relationship, or great of a job, or whatever they have, and that thing is the exact thing that you want?  You have a conscience.  Of course you are happy for them, and you would listen to their complaints and analyze situations with them .  But could you do it 100% of the time without ANY bit of envy/jealousy, or getting even remotely annoyed?  If you could, please tell me how, because I'm obviously not as wise as you are.  I admit I still have a lot to learn in order to be a wise and knowledgeable human being.  There is still so much to learn in life.