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| Last Night. |
Yeah, ok.
I got arrested.
For thieving.
Pretty stupid actually.
I have this voice in my head.
Asking me the same question, over and over.
Why did i get put in a cell?
I know its a stupid question but let me explain it, okay?
My sisters father didnt get put in a cell.
Even after what he did.
He stole my innocence, if you will, and both my sisers included.
Two sisters?
Yeah i have an older sister, hadnt i mentioned that?
What a bloody oversight.
She's 20 and has a lovely little boy.
And Gray ( we'll call him Gray, my sitsers father) he done the same to her.
So i ask you now, what he did, to three seperate persons, he didnt get jailed for?
Some people may say im rebelling, but honestly i dont see what i could be possibly reblling against. My actions could be explained and overlooked. But i dont want them to be.
Isnt what Gray done worse than what i did?
Im not trying to, theres a word for this but i cant think of it at the moment, but im just trying to tell you everything.
I mean i understand and accept what i did and the concequences that follow i'l take them gladly, because what i did was wrong.
Bu what Gray did, that was worse than wrong. Unless you think those kinda things he did are normal then you wont believe me.
When the manger came and stopped me, i shrugged and got the clothes out. I wasnt gonna bore them with my tears or piss them off with lies. I'd done it and they'ed obviously seen i'd done it. So why bother lieing?
The manager even had the cheek to say i didnt care about what i'd done, so i thought fuck it im banned from this store im never gonna see this woman or these officers again, so i told them my story. They stood there open-mouthed and one of the officers thought i'd need a psychologist and a solicitor. I told him not to bother but because i was under arrest everything i said would be taken into account and may be used against me in court. So i shrugged and said do what you want. My mother didnt cry when she found out. She said, it wasnt about time i didnt something stupid and fucked up cause i'd been to good for someone that had their life screwed up. I looked at her like she was crazy. She was quick to defend herself saying "It's not right what you did but i can to some extent understand why you did it." Thats whn i cried, i'd never cried so much, not even after everything Gray had did, i took all that without a care or a thought but now having my mother saying she could understand what i did even if it is to some extent that angers me so badly and makes me so confused i dont know how to talk to her properly now. I hate what i've done and i hte what it's done to my mother. I wanted her to be angry at me because then i can explain why im so angry at Gray but i cant. She wasnt even mildly pissed at me. And the way the arresting officer had looked at me, made me even more mad. Because he looked at me as if he was looking at his own daughter in this situation. His eyes were filled with so much pain i wanted to go and hug him but of course i couldnt i would of got done for that.Nothing ever works out for the best. I use to be so opptimistic but now i guess you could call me a pessimist ( is tht the right word?) All those "look on the bright side" and "everything will be fine" quotes, i hate them. What if there is no bright side and everything doesnt work out fine, what do i do then? I blog it up for thoughts like i usually do.
PearlsAndGold.
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Posted by PearlsAndGold on 2009-11-07 07:13:14 | Rating: | Views: 6
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