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Which is worse, being in a position where someone breaks your heart or being in the position of breaking someone else’s heart? I think most of us have been in both positions, but I have had people brag to me that their heart has never been broken. It was always them that breaks the hearts (their day will come). I’ve been in both positions and it is my opinion that having your heart broken is far worse than breaking someone else’s heart. At least when it’s someone else’s heart, we get to keep our self esteem.
There should be certain rules we can follow when we have the power over someone else’s love. When someone is in love with us, we do have power over them. We, in a real sense, have control of their hearts and minds. We can give them some attention and they will a good day or we can ignore them and send their whole world into a tail spin. Some people seem to bask in this kind of power over other people, but I feel very uncomfortable with it myself. I don’t like having that kind of responsibility over someone’s well being…unless, of course, if I love them back.
If we love them back, it’s not so much as having control of them as it is more of a checks and balances system. I have their heart, but they also have mine. We have the collective power to make each other happy but no one person has the power to make the couple happy. It is a true partnership where both people are happy as long as it’s the other person’s happiness that we care about. Being in love is putting someone else’s feelings above your own.
But what about the people that fall in love with us but we are not “in love” with them back? We may still like them or even love them, but we are not in love with them. Is there such a thing as letting them down easy? Since we have power over them, can we help with the process of falling out of love with us easier? There’s not much we can do to make people feel better who are suffering from a broken heart. It’s painful. It’s much like a burn. We can tell people to blow on their burns to ease the pain, but a burn is something that becomes less painful as time goes on. A broken heart is the same way.
The most we can do for people that fall in love with us that we don’t love back is to be honest with them. It takes courage to be honest with someone. It’s flattering to have someone thinking we are something special and keeping them around to build our own self esteem while their self esteem hits the E mark is tempting. We have the power to suck the self esteem right out of the two holes that we bit into their neck, but I think most of us have learned that what goes around comes around. We may have the power now, but we will all live long enough to see that same strangle hold come back upon us. I would want someone that I thought was “The” one to tell me that it isn’t like that…it wasn’t like that…and it never will be like that.
If that seems harsh, what are the alternatives…keep coming up with excuses as to why we can’t do things with these people…drive them mad by letting them see us with someone else…make up some story that no one believes and leaving these people filled with self-doubt? These are the usual ways that we handle breaking other’s hearts, but they do nothing but hurt. Being honest with someone hurts too, but at least it ends all of the delusions that might be going on in the mind of the people that fall in love with us. It allows them to begin the healing now, not months or years down the road. It allows them to retain enough self-love and self esteem to maybe go through the madness one more time.
Being honest about not loving someone is an act of love toward that person. We are relinquishing our power over their hearts so that they might find true happiness with someone who will love them back. Trust me, in this equation, there is more than enough self esteem to go around.
Happy Valentines Day
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Posted by Pauligan on 2008-02-10 15:40:59 | Rating: | Views: 143
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We all have to face both sides of the coin.
In my personal opinion and experience, having a broken heart and breaking someone's heart has equal pain attached.
I wish I could wipe both off the face of the earth.
Yet, if I did that, we would no longer truly feel like we were created to feel.
We were made to War with Love.
All is fair in Love and War.
Self esteem that we cement in our souls, is our armor.
My sword?
Forgiveness.
Wonderful post Dr. LionHeart.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-02-10 18:46:00
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Thank you Jenny Lynn. Forgiveness is so important to making ourselves ready for more love, LftH. It just can't be overstated enough.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-10 19:39:26
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What a wonderful post paul.
You got everything down to a T.
Love is painful, no matter which way you look at it.
Love you hun,xx
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Posted by bubblydi
on 2008-02-11 08:36:28
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Excellent post Paul. There's always a winner, always a loser and we all get a shot at being both.
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2008-02-11 08:46:21
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Thanks Lovely Di, love can be painful, but i've always hoped it wouldn't be.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-11 16:14:04
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Well here's to the shots at being a winner, Jim. Cheers
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-11 16:15:14
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Just popping in to say, lovely photo.
You can see your face a whole lot better in this.
Can i call you a very distinguidhed gentleman.xx
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Posted by bubblydi
on 2008-02-12 03:10:13
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Ok, but I don't think anyone will believe you, Lovely Di.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-12 04:16:23
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I am sure they will hun,xx
Sorry about the typo before.xx
Distinguished Gentleman.xx
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Posted by bubblydi
on 2008-02-12 16:17:34
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Hey Paul, thanks for the comments.. and I love your posts. It's very nice to read & I like this one because it is very deep. Come by anytime. =]
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Posted by ILOVEKOLIA
on 2008-02-13 08:43:23
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Wow. Where were you when we were all just beginning to learn and experience romantic relationships? Good stuff! Great advice. What a kind, truthful blog!
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Posted by BitterSweetheart
on 2008-02-13 18:24:55
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Even spelled right I don't think people will believe you, Lovely Di.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-13 20:27:47
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Thank you Kolia, I'll pop in and see you.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-13 20:29:29
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Well Sweetheart, I learned all of this the hard way so I must have been around somewhere. Thanks for your kind words.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-02-13 20:31:37
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I saw this post months ago, but it was a situation too close to home for me to make a comment and I was still dilusional. Fantastic post and perspective, It really helped me to see the truth, the yo-yoing the lies and most of all the ugliness of the battle of ego's and victory, because unfortunatly I think for some thats all it is, making sport of peoples hearts!
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2008-03-21 02:00:28
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