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Women often ask, “Why are men like they are?” “Why do they have such a hard time showing emotion?” My answer to you, my dear female friends, is that men are raised to hide their emotions. If we are not taught at home how to withhold our feelings then we learn the hard way amongst our peers.
I still see parents trying to “toughen up” their young boys. Boys at the tender age of four and five or even younger are told to quit crying as if it was a total disgrace to do so. It starts so young that we don’t even remember when it was we were not supposed to show emotion. It becomes part of us. It becomes part of what we learn as right and wrong behaviors. It becomes part of our being.
Holding emotions at bay is an art and some are better than others. The art is letting out the emotions in ways that still defines us as being men. Hitting is a good example of an acceptable manner of emotional release. The most artful of the emotionless like to hang together. They call these people men’s men…men that enjoy the company of other men. I’m not talking about some kind of gay club for the flamboyant (I’m not ruling it out either). I’m talking about men that like to spend their time with other men because they are more comfortable being around a more controlled emotionless environment than facing how they really feel with people that do show their emotions…who, for the most part, are women.
Men of this caliber spend time with women, but they are really thinking of what they are going to report to their buddies after spending time with the women. It is truly a predatory sport with winners, losers, rewards, respect, outcasts, and the disregarded. If we report back to our buddies that on the first “date” not even a kiss was involved shame is brought upon us. Forget it if you both had a good time and seemed to click on an emotional level…score zero. If we haven’t got into their pants by at least the third time with them (excluding that time of month thing) we are either admonished and coached by the more experienced artful dodgers or tossed out of the club and disregarded much like the girl that did give one of the guys his score.
What men end up settling for is respect over love. They would rather have the respect of their buddies over the love of a woman. Believe it or not, a lot of women play this game willingly with the men. They score if they can actually catch one of these bad boys and have them as a boyfriend/fiancé /husband. In the women’s minds they scored because this man actually changed to be with them. They are special because this man that used all the other women changed for them. Ahhh…it’s all so romantic, isn’t it?
Men are emotionally retarded because we are raised that way. We have to learn from scratch how to get back to being true to ourselves. With the help of a patient, understanding woman, we can get back to actually feeling and experiencing real emotions, but it’s usually at the expense of the loss of our buddies’ respect. We are labeled with the adjective of pussy-whipped.
We humans really only need two things to be happy and those are love and respect. The only way to get both is to be true to ourselves. The only way to get both is to love ourselves enough to be true to ourselves. If the real us is revealed, people that can love and respect the real us can be revealed…everyone else doesn’t matter. The confidence we receive from being true to ourselves will trample the peer pressure we get from our “buddies”.
We men may be raised to be emotionally retarded, but it truly is a personal choice to stay that way.
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Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-10 09:38:25 | Rating: | Views: 280
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Excellent post Paul. Well said. I too started off being one of those emotionally repressive men but my work in health care (which is very emotional at times) and my personal spiritual beliefs helped me to be a more balanced guy (I think).
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2008-01-10 10:29:58
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Thanks Jim, you seem pretty balanced to me. Hey, you must have found a computer over there. I hope you are doing ok.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-10 11:38:05
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Paul by reading what you wrote I feel that you are ahead of the game, you at least are understanding of the game and that is the first step.
I am going to send that blog to my hubby!
My husband is awesome, he is almost perfect actually but he is unemotional and I keep trying to get him to be more vulnerable with me and after 24 years it hasn't really happened yet.
I think he knows I would never take advantage of his emotions. I would only love him that much more if he would show me that tender side of him.
I think your blog could help.
Thank you for your prayers for my family and Lexi. Like I said that is all I have right now. Well alot of love too! :)
Thanks for sharing it makes you very sexy!!!!!
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2008-01-10 11:53:46
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You're welcome trevor and I feel kind of sexy right now.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-10 21:52:59
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Hey paul, you were very open then.
I would love to see my husbands true emotions.xx
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Posted by bubblydi
on 2008-01-11 04:17:30
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It's sad that you don't lovely Di. Hey that's a good pet name for you. Do you mind if I call you Lovely Di? After all, you are lovely. xx
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-11 04:32:45
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If you wish paul but that is your opinion, he he. xx
You are truly a great guy, i should have met you years ago. ha ha.xx
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Posted by bubblydi
on 2008-01-11 04:49:54
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I do have a computer. Its only dial up though so its frustrating cos its so slow to what Im used to.
Doing ok? Well, Im here paul but I'd rather be there of course. Thanks.
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2008-01-11 10:52:27
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You mean we are whining and complaining about men being so evasive with their emotions, and we as mothers, have actually trained you all to be like that?
That is true, my son, is so evasive with his long time girlfriend, since sixth grade, and I mean girl friend.
He will not tell her how he feels.
He is in 12th grade now, and she nor I still know if he is in love with her.
He has not even tried to kiss her.
She came for Christmas, and he ignored her, that she literally begged him to pay her some attention.
I guess we deserve it.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-01-12 00:56:32
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its a vicious circle isn't it, the boys turn to men, have sons of their own, and teach them its not good to cry or show emotions, as if they are a form of weekness, yet our emotions fill us with strength
wonderful post Paul hugs xxx
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Posted by missmarie
on 2008-01-12 03:05:56
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Yeah, I know you are going through a tough time, Jim, but we are all rooting for you here.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-12 07:09:49
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I don't think anyone deserves to be treated badly, LftH. I'm certainly not making excuses for men's behavior. I believe that is one of the tasks put before us in life and that is to embrace the good that we have learned as children and overcome the bad. Your son's "girlfriend" should walk away for a while and see what your son feels about her. xx
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-12 07:15:57
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It is a vicious cycle, Marie, but it's not just men keeping the cycle going, women join in too. xxo
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-12 07:18:51
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Great post Paul!
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Posted by Forgetmeknot
on 2008-01-12 12:23:31
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Thanks D., how are you holding up?
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-13 01:53:29
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She did walk away, but she keeps coming back.
I even encouraged her to date others.
She has too.
Still she keeps coming back.
I think I raised a priest.
I think he was more shy than being mean, and he did end up playing in the snow with her, and watching movies, but he still was more interested in ignoring her.
I am coming to the conclusion that he likes her as a sister, and I pushed too hard for him to like her as more.
hmmm.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-01-13 03:18:21
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Maybe it was me telling him that he had to marry the first girl he kissed.
Or maybe it was all of the sex ed talks I gave him.
Or maybe it was the STD talks I nagged into his brain.
haha
My husband, told me, that if I never have grandchildren, it is my own fault.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-01-13 03:20:53
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I guess whatever your son does it will come naturally from him, LftH. He probably likes her company but doesn't see her as marriage material or like you say he could be shy. You're too young and beautiful to have grandkids anyway. xx
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-01-13 09:11:48
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