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| The Harsh Reality of Self-Realization
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There comes a time when everyone must face the fact that what happens to them is usually on some level their own fault. I used to live in another town and it just seemed like all of my relationships were going south. I was making good money where I worked but the politics were killing me. I had a girlfriend, but I didn’t love her. I had an ex-girlfriend that had so many issues she was going down and taking me with her but I loved her regardless. I had commitment issues big time. I had friends but they were of little consolation to me because we were all out partying most of the time. I decided to get out of there and start over someplace else with a brand new set of people and circumstances.
I moved to a town where a lot of my family lived including my parents. I figured they were getting old and I could help them out somehow. I didn’t even look for a job until I got there, but it wasn’t long before I was working. I found out the hard way that my new town had a higher cost of living and lower wages and I also found out a few other things. I found new friends, new situations, and even new girlfriends, but I found that my life had not changed hardly at all.
Most all of the problems I had encountered before I moved seemed to have made the move with me. I still had commitment issues, I was still victim to politics in the workplace, and all I did with my new friends was party with them like I did with my old friends (making matters worse, my old friends visited frequently and we all partied together). I became even more miserable than I was before the move because at least in my old town I had money.
When the harsh reality finally hit me that my problems couldn’t be blamed on people and things that were happening around me that left only one other place they could be coming from…me. I was the problem. I was my problem. I didn’t bring the troubles with me…I was the trouble.
When this kind of self-realization hits a person it’s a very humbling affair. It seems to stab right at the center of self-esteem and ego. It’s one thing to living in misery thinking it’s other people causing that misery, but when it comes down to being nobody’s fault but our own it’s hard to digest. Suddenly we are faced with the responsibility of changing our own lives…our own habits…our old self-deprecating habits. We are also faced with finding a reason why we should love ourselves again.
Self-realization is hard to go through. Suddenly seeing ourselves as probably what others have seen all along and not what we had built up in our own justifiable minds rips away the layers that we had been building for years. It leaves us vulnerable and this is where the going down stops and the going up just begins.
As low as I felt after my self-realization it was also a time of enlightenment. When I found that I was the cause of my own problems I also found out a lot about the real me. Knowing I was the problem seemed to bring the answers I needed to change things around me. I found that with each problem solved I became a stronger, but even more importantly, I found out what I was capable of. I was given the chance to really look at myself and I ended up liking what I saw. I was given the chance to see that I could do something about my miserable situation and I did it. We don’t have to be slaves to our miserable situations if we know where the problems stem from and then do something to correct them.
There is a harsh reality to self-realization. It’s called the truth. The next time you hear the old saying “the truth can set you free” look at it in the light of self-realization…free indeed.
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Posted by Pauligan on 2008-09-19 16:33:51 | Rating: | Views: 100
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thank you,it helps i believe,and thank you for sharing your own story to teach people something,it is very nice:) oh...i am wondering now am i being a problem?
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Posted by nina880224
on 2008-09-20 10:29:54
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Thanks Nina, you are not a problem to me but a little self-realization sure goes a long way.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-09-20 11:43:07
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I agree...we are all responsible for ourselves...blaming others for our problems never solves them. Truth is something we don't always want to see, but eventually have to face. Glad you came to the realization you're a good guy...I think so too :)
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Posted by slowtolearn
on 2008-09-22 07:39:13
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Why thank you, stl (saying while blushing). The truth about us coming from us truly does set us free.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-09-22 08:25:29
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I do not know if I would really want to see myself through other's eyes.
Sometimes when I look at myself through the mirror of our souls, I hide.
No shame lives there, just actions and thoughts that surprises me a bit.
Wonderful entry.
I was hooked from the very beginning.
Love You Paul.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-09-24 11:00:35
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What other people see can't really hurt us unless we are maybe lying to ourselves and then they would probably have better insight to us than we do, LftH. I've been hooked a long time as well. xx
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-09-24 16:04:40
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You are so well informed about self-realization and I've also "traveled" down the same road. Sometimes we are all our own worst enemies.
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Posted by BunnieMarie
on 2008-09-27 13:36:19
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That's definately true about being our own worst enemies, Marie. If we are lieing to ourselves what kind of frinds would we be to ourselves?
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-09-28 13:36:29
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