I started out this year with such great promise. I got a job promotion which bolstered my income enough to start dating again and, in turn, I found myself a girlfriend. I had struggled financially all through college and several years past that, so, in my mind, I thought this year was going to be the big pay-off. This year was going to be the end result of what working hard and staying focused would get me. I made plans. I stuck to them. I stayed patient. I endured. I won. It sounds like the great American success story (I’ve always wondered what they call it in some other country…the great Canadian success story?...that sure doesn’t sound right…why don’t we just call it what it is…the great capitalist success story?).

For me, the story ended in about a month. The company I worked for started downsizing (they call it right sizing now, probably to appease their conscious) and since I didn’t go along with my new boss on who and how to fire some of the people he didn’t like, I was thrown into a clerk job that included paperwork dumped on me from even other departments. I was swamped and I was stressed and my new boss seemed to enjoy it immensely.

The same week I was thrown into my new job, the girl I had been dating started another job. Hers was as stressful as mine and we decided it would be better to just see each other on the weekends. That sounded like a pretty good plan to me except I didn’t see her on the weekends. In fact, I didn’t see her again…ever. She had gotten back with her ex after he begged for her forgiveness. I found this out later, of course, from a mutual friend. All I heard from her was that she was going to go pick up her stuff, which she had in storage, from her hometown. This went on for three weekends in a row and she never went…she still probably hasn’t gone.

I was thinking, what kind of torture is this? I struggle for years to get a month’s worth of living only to go right back to struggling again? These past couple of months at work has been my boss’ recipe for my failure. He overloads his subjects and then keeps count of the mistakes they make so he can gather enough evidence against them to fire them. Unfortunately for me I have been one of his subjects. Unfortunately for him I haven’t made the mistakes he had hoped for, so he came up with a different plan.

This past Friday he did away with my position. He put a lot of time and thought into where all of my duties would end up. He planned and schemed and finally came up with the solution that since he couldn’t get rid of me, he could get rid of my position and, in turn, get rid of me. Quite ingenious, if not evil, huh?

As you can imagine I was angry, hurt, depressed, and scared that evening. I tossed and turned all night and the next day I walked around like a zombie. Two questions played over and over in my head 1). What did I do to deserve this and 2). What am I going to do now? I live by a belief system that has never failed me, but here I sit laughing at my naivety. I thought life is hard…period. There is nothing to believe in. It’s as cold out there as the inside of my boss’s heart and the only thing keeping us going is that our hearts refuse to quit beating. I felt detached. I thought to myself, “I have been cut loose.”

That’s when it hit me. I HAD BEEN CUT LOOSE! I never had to go back to that miserable place where I had been renting my soul for so much an hour. I was free! I knew that I was going to be hurting for money, but I’ve been through that before. Since they did away with my position I can now draw unemployment, collect my vacation hours, and withdraw my 401K. My lay-off also happens to have happened at the same time we Americans got our tax rebates. I started thinking that I’m set for the present and I have plenty of opportunities for the future now. I have the time to look for a position that suits me. I’ve always wanted to go into social services, but I was told I need more education and/or experience…now I have the time and the opportunity to do both. Right this very moment, I feel like electricity is flowing through me.

I think about the two questions that I asked myself when I thought I was down and near out. What did I do to deserve this? I stuck to my believe system until I questioned its relativity and found that it indeed works (I’ve learned this lesson before, but some people…). What am I going to do now? Anything that I want to…I’m a free man.

I have a vague direction in mind and I have learned once again that whatever happens may not be my plan, but it is a plan, and it’s the best plan I have going for me.

I started this year with great promise and it looks like that’s exactly how it’s going to be.