I was asked, “Can someone’s past experience make them orientate toward a certain sex, how do you know which your sexual preference is and how do you become comfortable in your own skin?” Wow, that’s a question I think anyone would have a hard time with and I am no exception. There are people making a good living off of trying to answer this question for people and I really don’t know if they have answered it either or else people wouldn’t still be asking. The answer I’m giving is strictly my feelings about this subject and not to be confused with a professional opinion.

The person that asked me has had relationships with both male and female and she is wondering if being with the same sex, more or less, makes her gay. I would say that there is experimentation that does not necessarily make you one thing or another. You are experimenting to find out what you like, so if you find that you don’t like it then it would be safe to say that you are not gay. If you tried anal sex once or twice and found that it wasn’t for you then you are not the buggering type. The idea for a different kind of sex was what attracted you to trying the anal sex. However, for you to be with someone of the same sex, you would have to be attracted to the same sex or the notion of being with someone of the same sex to begin with. This is where it gets complicated. A human’s sexual wants are not exactly an either or, it’s more like I am attracted to a this or that. I would imagine most people’s sexual appetites have a wide range but they are mainly on a heterosexual diet.

I truly think that the people who most speak out against the gays are, in fact, people who lean toward the attraction of their same sex. I find this true of anyone speaking out against anything. Whatever they hate seems to be something in themselves they see which they can’t quite come to terms with. I can’t imagine what Rush Limbaugh has hidden in his closet. There is a definite stigma put on gays due mainly to religious writings. Is it deserved? Someone who knows the scriptures and can justify condemning anyone would have to answer that. To me, I look at it like who am I to judge anyone for anything.

In a nutshell, I believe that as human beings we have little control of how we feel. We can’t help what we are attracted to or who we fall in love with, but we do have control of our actions. If our actions are hurtful to others or to ourselves then we need to control them. If being with the same sex bothers how you feel about yourself, then I would say it is not for you. The answer lies in your heart. Your heart always knows what is best. Our problem as human beings is that we don’t always want to believe what our hearts are telling us.

How do we become comfortable in our own skin? Follow your heart and you will be comfortable in your own skin.