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Do We really Care?

Can we really care about each other? Can we care about someone and keep caring even though they no longer care about us? Lovers can come and go in and out of our lives; friends can come and go in and out of our lives. We say we care about them, but what happens if they are not returning the feelings that we have been showing them? Do we lose love for them since they are not returning our love? I guess what I am really asking is, do we show love and care for someone only because of what we get from them in the first place?

I’ve seen advice given to lovers where one partner is doing all the giving and the other is receiving all the love but not giving anything in return and they are told to get away from them as soon as possible. I’ve seen advice given to people to get rid of the people that take advantage of them because they are not really their friends. In all the cases the people asking for advice really loved and cared about the people who were supposedly treating them badly. I have ran into a problem even here on blog sites where if I don’t get to someone’s blog for awhile they quit coming to mine. I have to show them my love and interest in them or I don’t get paid in return.

This all sounds kind of selfish doesn’t it? We humans want and need love and respect. We have very special bonds with people that show us both and then in lessening degrees we love then like then tolerate and etc. on down to hating them if they show us neither love nor respect. Think about some of the people you love the most right now. At the top of the list are people who openly profess their love and respect for you. They admire you on a level that makes you feel good about yourself. We need this kind of attention just as we need air. If we are not getting this kind of attention from someone it is just as devastating to our souls as not getting air is to our bodies.

In my opinion, and this is the way I am toward people, I give my love freely and receive it freely until it reaches a point to where it is obvious to me (and usually obvious much sooner to everyone else around me) that the person who used to love and respect me no longer does one or the other or both. I’ll recognize that the person I love is no longer returning the same feelings toward me as I do toward them. I’ll try talking it out to see what’s going on in their hearts, and most of the time this clears up any miscommunication, but sometimes the damage is past talking.

At this point there is a decision to be made…do we love this person enough to take the ego beating that we are in for or do we cut them loose? Now remember, we love these people. We supposedly care about these people. Do we not love them anymore simply because they don’t show us love anymore? Do we not care about these people anymore and if we don’t now…did we ever?

Is love really a selfish act on our part where we invest some of ours to get some of theirs? It doesn’t sound like there is much heart in this equation. In this equation there are only givers and receivers and to really have love we have to have givers/receivers.

When we invest love to receive love we are looking at love as something that is owed to us because, after all, we gave them ours. If we give our love nobody owes us anything. NOBODY OWES US ANYTHING. Giving is a gift…period.

So, what can we do with these people that have quit returning the love that we have given them? I know you are going to think this is over simplified, but I’m a simple guy. My answer is nothing.

Physically we should do nothing with them. In other words, quit hanging around them. Don’t cut them out of your heart, but just quit making plans with them. We gave them our love freely and they chose to disregard it. It’s not the end of the world. We have all given many of gifts to loved ones with the best of intentions and the gifts weren’t used. Do we hate these people for not using the gifts? The best thing to do about the gift if you really love that person is to not bring it up. If that painting of a horse is not hanging on the wall…don’t ask about it. If a loved one acts as if they don’t love/respect you don’t bring yourself up…quit hounding them with your presence. If they want you around they will call and if you truly love them then answer. If they have ill will toward you then make your presence scarce and leave your spirit with them.

Can we really care about each other?

Yes, as long as you look at your love as a gift and not as an investment.

Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-20 13:38:37 | Rating:

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		Excellent post Paul. Altruistic, unconditional love is the hardest type to offer but it is what we should all be giving.
Posted by scotslad60 on 2008-01-20 16:57:14


		Thanks Jim, I agree.
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-20 19:19:44


		Interesting post. Most of the time we are more consumed with what we receive than what we give. More of us could practice the agape love you described and the world would be a kinder and gentler place for us all.
Posted by cwzywbt on 2008-01-20 22:16:08


		You are probably right about the whole world cwzywbt, but it's definately true for an individual soul to be at peace.
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-21 04:31:03


		I have found myself very guilty of trying harder and harder with a person when i feel they are losing their feelings for me, sometimes pushing them away even more, losing respect from all corners, especially my own self respect! i try now not to show i care, but i am a very loving and open person so it is a struggle. this is a great topic Paul, hopefully i will learn from it x hugs xx
Posted by missmarie on 2008-01-21 08:11:01


		Yes,paul,it's a grat topic! In my opinion,we should still love the person we love even though they are not giving back.Yes,i think it's not business.It's emotion,it's love. Nice work,paul!
Posted by Icesoul on 2008-01-21 10:30:07


		Love never dies paul. I will always love the people i do. Sometimes if you love so much you have to let them go free.xx
Posted by bubblydi on 2008-01-21 12:28:59


		I agree with di.
Posted by Icesoul on 2008-01-21 14:42:27


		It sounds to me like you already knew, Marie. It is hard to let go, but then again what isn't hard?
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-21 16:32:08


		Thanks feiz, we can love someone and not be physically part of their lives. Just wish them well and go on.
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-21 16:34:20


		Exactly Lovely Di, letting someone go free is an act of love.
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-21 16:35:22


		Just last month I lost a netfriend I've had for... this would have been the 10th year. It was hard keeping in touch and eventually I guess he thought I wasn't in it and he cut himself free. I love him heaps and want him to come back. I hope it's not the end. Lives, loves and (her)marriage has seen my best friend and I drift apart over the years, we are not the same paeople but we still speak on the phone a few times a year and most times we chat for hours and find that place where we meant the world to eachother... I still love her! I think when I'm the one that still wants their love and they have become distant toward me, I still feel the same I try asking them first if there is a problem and if that doesn't work I train myself to let them go. Sometimes it's damn hard and very sad but it has to be done... and yes, I still love them too. Cheers Paul. XX P.S. That coin went and flipped it's self... I'm going thru this too.
Posted by loveBITES on 2008-01-21 22:40:48


		It is hard to let someone go, BITES, but it's definately better than hating them or even worse hating yourself. I've found many times that the coin flips itself...there just really isn't that much to worry about in life unless you want to.
Posted by Pauligan on 2008-01-22 04:23:24