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| Just Believe, Or Am I Right To Question? |
So I've been thinking...which I understand is dangerous for me, but nonetheless, I've been thinking. I'm not sure how many people read this thing or take it seriously or whatnot. Hey, sometimes I'm not serious. But it's mostly all about my thoughts. About things. About life and worries and emotions and soul. Heart. Mind. All of these things.
God only knows where the world is headed. I think that dawned on me last night. That we could be so close to the end of times or we could be so far from it. It all depends on point of view, interpretation, speculation.
And here we are--mortal man--trying to figure out God's plan. God's word. God's timing. Who are we to think that we can pinpoint a day? Who are we to think that the signs we believe are true are really signs? Who are we to think we have the mental capacity to understand the...awesomeness that caused this entire world to come into being?
Each man has his own walk with God. I was taught that a great many years ago. And I've heard the phrase time and time again, "It's not about religion. It's about a relationship." But I hate the phrase in a way. I like what it says, but I hate the phrase. Because it gets twisted. But it is a relationship, and people shouldn't really judge how one person relates to the Lord based on their own relationship.
I've guilty of that. But I know of my guilt. I know I'm not as close to God as so many church-goers say I should be. Or maybe I do something wrong along the way that I shouldn't do. I fail. Yes, of course--because I'm human. We're not perfect. We were created with a free will to make choices.
But anyway...I'm rambling.
I got to thinking, though--that if I worried about what God will do, I might miss out on what He's doing. Right now. I got to thinking last night about all of the wonderful opportunities that I would miss out on if--all of a sudden--tomorrow just didn't happen. But I failed to realize all of the wonderful things that have happened. Things that are happening right now, right this instant.
Sure, there are things that I've always wanted. My ideal job, my love, a marriage, a home, a family...my family. No, as of today I don't know what those things are like, really. I haven't yet held my daughter or my son in my arms. I pray that someday I will. The iamge is clearer in my mind than it ever has been, and I can't imagine God denying me that opportunity after I've waited so patiently.
But some things have to happen first. I understand that. And if...well, I guess if I never got those opportunities, than...I suppose God would provide in another way. I can only trust in that, right? He's provided for me this far.
It's been hard. I guess that's why I don't talk much about God. It's not that I don't want to share, but it's just...I don't feel like your posterboard believer. I mean, it's like...a Got Milk? commercial. You want some famous person up there with a fake milk moustache, smiling and holding a class of milk. Not a kid who just got an expired milk carton in the lunchline and now he's holding back the urge to vomit. Now, I'm not saying I'm as bad as that kid, but it's just not an appealing image, you know?
It hasn't been easy. It's still not easy. Granted, I've never been persecuted for what I believe, but I've felt put-down, my ideas degraded. But so many different people put so many other different people down everyday for their beliefs and their values and their morals. It's not easy for anybody, regardless of what you believe. Acceptence is what really needs to be taught. Love through acceptence and show instead of tell.
I guess that was always my philosophy. I always figured that who I was and the choices I made spoke louder than my words (which always seem to fail me in a spoken context, anyway.) If someone asks me a question, I'll answer it. But I'm not out to convert people. I don't believe in scare tactics or fear. Why should I? You can control man with fear. We're a fearful people, each with individual weaknesses. You can exploit someone through fear. Conversion through exploitation is nothing but falsehood beliefs, in my opinion.
But I'm not sure where I stand. I should hope that it's as simple as the Bible puts it--believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and that He died for our sins on the cross and was risen. I pray it's as simple as all of that. I know it's not by works. I know some of the verses...just bits and pieces. But if it's as simple as believing...
Even in doubt. What's wrong with being the doubting Thomas? I will gladly believe with my little seed of doubt and walk up to Jesus and ask if I can touch those nail prints in his hands and know. There's a different between doubt with belief than doubt without belief. Just because I doubt doesn't mean I don't believe. It just makes it harder. It makes us smart. It makes us who God made us to be--decision makers, rationalizers, free-willed, thinking, breathing people. I can't believe that Jesus would condemn me for being Thomas. I cannot believe that. All I can see with my question would be a smile and palms extended. And that would be all I need.
Too many thoughts for one entry...that wasn't going to be a big Sunday morning sermon anyway. I feel like a preacher. I guess I shouldn't quit my day job or really in my case, my night job, huh?
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Posted by Parapraxis on 2009-10-04 21:11:27 | Rating: | Views: 136
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