you say you are ready to die but are you really? would you really be reaching out for help over the internet if so? there must be something that would make you want to hold on... we all go through loneliness, trust me i know this, after living abroad from my friends and family for so long. i often felt it was hopeless; looking out the window, knowing i'm a world away, always being the stranger, the foreigner, the one who can't understand enough of the language to ever really know what's going on or have anybody to really talk to. does your family really know how grave you feel? people cannot understand unspoken words. hang in there. write it out. i thought it was over for myself many times, almost letting myself walk out into the sea and let the undertow drag me away. pills+alcohol don't work. you pass out/become incoherent before you can do anything destructive to yourself and you may just end up a vegetable in the hospital instead of dying. is this what you want? rethink your choice. i'm very spiritual but not religious and i think everything happens for a purpose whether it be good or bad. re-examine the world around you. take a deep breath. close your eyes. forget about the past and the future and live for the moment. embrace the sweet taste of a tasty tropical fruit and melt with its flavour. sit under a palm tree and watch the children play in the streets, laughing and shouting. i can't see your thoughts exactly but i know how much loneliness can drag a person down when so far from home. take care and re-think your choice; you won't regret it.

Peter I'm not sure you want to hear this but for your age depression is NORMAL in many people. In the US we have drugs that can help, they are very slow working but do work.

As far as family, that's your nut to crack. No one can comment on the relationship between you and them. Perhaps this can change in the future.

I wish you luck and think about sticking around a little longer.

An aunt of mine had depression for most of her adult life. When she was 55 she took an overdose and was in hospital for two weeks. When she left hospital she sold everything and from then decided that her 'worthless' life would be spent helping others. She moved to Malawi where she has been teaching English and volunteering at the local hospital for the last five or six years. From what I have heard, she still feels her own life is worthless but she lives solely for the benefit of others.
Maybe living for someone else might help you. Maybe not abroad but in another City.

Please never take your own life. Give it time and wait for your piece will come trust me!

Please reconsider, there is nothing more permanent than death. It might seem like a solution, but it's one you can never change, one you can never take back. There are many other options, and I know there are many other people such as yourself that do not want to go into a home. Perhaps you can find a place such as an assisted living place which has apartments to give you the home feel, but a little extra help. Or many you can find a roommate who also doesn't want to go into a home. Then you would have someone else there and live in the kind of place you desire. There are but two options. You could try sitting down with your family and talking it out again, but if your family is being stubborn then know you can find others to talk about it with and even people who can help you. Are you able to live by yourself or do you need extra care? There might be programs out there to help with the extra care, and if you don't need it then find a place.

I urge you to think of alternatives, even try some of them out. You can always change your mind with them, but you can never take back death.

I wish you well