Most of us live for something - career; family; pets; hobbies; sports; passions, political issues, etc. Me - I like a good movie, especially an old, well written one with a good story line and great characters. I love to come home, eat dinner, put up my feet and watch a good yarn with a cat purring on my lap. I consider it to be an inalienable American right. Some of you may be old enough to remember when you could plug in the TV, and if you had a good antenna, there would be reception. Now, of course, you have to pay either the cable company or the satellite dish company to provide us with reception of our favorite programs, even for local channels.

I’m a Los Angeles resident. I used to live in a Victorian Mansion in MacArthur Park that had been sub-divided into apartments. Cable and Internet service were included in the rent there, so I never thought about the service unless it went down. In February I moved to the west side, to be closer to work. So I had to make that big decision about my TV service provider. I decided on the local Cable Monopoly because I thought there’d be fewer interruptions in service due to weather conditions; it was bundled with Internet access; and they were offering a free DVR. (I’d never had a DVR and was anxious to see what that new gadget could do.)

I had to wait an entire week for the service to be installed, and I didn’t think I could stand it. It was the week of the Presidential Primary – the most exciting primary I could remember. So I listened to the radio, unpacked box after box, and somehow made it through without TV service until the weekend.

The Cable Guy showed up on Saturday for my 3 p.m. appointment. He was very filthy, smelled to high heaven and could barely speak English.

“I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt,” I thought. “He’s trying to make a living. It’s a hot day and he’s probably had to crawl around in some very dirty places to install Cable.”

He checked on the cable outside, added new cable inside and then carried in a dusty, old DVR box.

“Wait a minute!” I thought. “Usually the installer opens a box, and out comes new equipment all clean and wrapped in plastic. What’s going on here?”

I was even more appalled when I saw the remote he had in store for me. It was filthy and battered and looked like he’d been kicking it around on the bottom of his truck for a few years. I wanted to wear rubber gloves just to touch it. The brand name was Adelphia. Now Adelphia was bought out by Comcast some years back. Comcast was bought out by the Cable Monopoly last year. (That’s how old this equipment was!)

I asked the Cable Technician a question about how the DVR worked.
“I gonna show you now.” He said. “If you no like this box, ask for new one. This one – confusing.”

So he clicked around with the old remote and tried to explain how the DVR worked in broken English. I couldn’t really understand what he was saying, but thought that I could figure it out later. After all, I’d programmed VCRs and worked DVD players over the years.

So the smelly Cable Technician left and I clicked around with that nasty remote he game me until I figured out how to bring up the menu and choose a category. It wasn’t set to be a universal remote, though. (I couldn’t turn on the TV with it or adjust the volume.) I soon figured out that there were lots of channels but I didn’t seem to have access to many of them. When I clicked on a program, such as CNN, the History Channel, the Weather Channel, etc. all I got were infomercials.

So I called customer service. (That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?) I got the message, “All of our lines are busy. Call back at another time.” So I sent them an email explaining that I’d been issued old, battered equipment and that as a new customer, I’d like something better.

They responded that if I wanted something better, I could disconnect the equipment and take it to a local cable store to be exchanged or I could pay $20 more for a technician to come out and replace it. “Why?” I asked them. “I am a new customer. You establish business with me by giving me old, dirty, battered equipment and then expect me to return it or pay more for someone else to bring the adequate equipment that I should’ve had from the start?”

“We are committed to quality service and all of our equipment is cleaned and inspected before we issue it to a customer,” they insisted. It was obvious the equipment I was given had not been cleaned or inspected. In fact, the technician probably ran out of equipment, so he grabbed whatever he could find on the floor of his truck, slapped in some batteries and issued it to me to stay on schedule. So I sent customer service a digital photo of the filthy, battered remote as proof of the defective equipment I was issued.

They responded that they could not open any attachment to an email for security reasons. “Due to fluctuations in inventory they could not guarantee that a customer would receive any particular model of equipment at any given time. The appearance of the equipment was not important. What was important, was that it worked.”

BUT IT DIDN’T WORK! I exchanged emails with them for a week, getting one ridiculous, dismissive excuse from them after another. In frustration, I finally wrote, COME AND GET THIS JUNK AND CANCEL MY SERVICE. I DO NOT WANT TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU! But they wouldn’t even allow me to cancel service with them without calling their customer service line (which tells you they are busy and to call back later); bringing in their defective equipment to a cable store; or paying $20 to have someone come and get it.

I asked around at work to see if anyone else had been having trouble with the Cable Monopoly. Most people had similar horror stories. The Human Resources Director had a positive experience with them and was issued new equipment, but she lives in Santa Monica. Anyway, I was fed up. I threatened to seek an attorney for a Class Action Law Suit against their monopoly for its unscrupulous bait-and–switch business practices and poor customer service. (I feel that if a business eliminates the competition by creating a Monopoly, they have a responsibility to provide adequate service to the public.)

So then the customer service people decided that the threat of a law suit made my situation important enough to send out a technician to check the equipment. By then it was Friday. It had been nearly a week of back-and-forth emails from their customer service people who denied responsibility and expected ME to do something to improve the quality of their service or to pay more for an upgrade. THAT WAS IT! I signed up for service with one of the Satellite companies. And lo and behold, they were willing to give me an appointment as early as Monday. (I was off work for President’s day, so I readily accepted.)

Late in the afternoon on Friday, (nearly a week late) I got a call from a Cable technician asking me what the problem was. I explained that I wasn’t getting the channels I selected with the remote. I kept getting infomercials. He asked where I lived and said that the channels probably needed to be reconfigured for my area. I told him that I had decided to cancel service with the Cable Monopoly, so there was no need to send someone out on Saturday to check my equipment. The line went dead after that. I don’t know if he hung up or if it was a bad connection.

So on Saturday, a week to the day after I had established service with the Cable Monopoly, two large men showed up at my door. They looked more like gang-bangers than cable guys and they were glaring at me as if they were there to beat me down.

“We’re with the Cable Company,” the Tall One said.

“I told them I was cancelling my service, so I don’t know why you came.” I responded.

“Here to help,” the Tall One grunted.

“He must be a supervisor.” I thought. “Why else would they send two Cable Guys?”

I hoped that they would remove the old equipment and save me a trip on the bus with that heavy, old, DVR, so I let them in. They seemed to be there to intimidate, rather than to help, however. The Tall One acted like it was all he could do to contain himself from slapping me around the room.

“What’s the problem?” he demanded.

“This equipment isn’t working right,” I said. “When I click on the channel I want, I get an infomercial instead.” I showed them the filthy, battered remote. “This is what he gave me.”

“He gave you that dirty old remote?” the Short One asked. I nodded.

“We’ll give her another one,” the Tall One said to the Short One. The Short One went out while I showed the Tall One the problem. The channels were working then, though. I explained to him that they Cable Technician I spoke to on the phone Friday must have reconfigured the channels so that they finally worked.

“Do you have any other questions?” he snapped at me.

“The Cable installer told me that if I wanted a newer box I could ask for one because this one is old and confusing.” “

“People have had problems with those new boxes,” he quipped.

“So they haven’t worked the kinks out yet?” I asked.

“Thank you!” he exclaimed. (I guess he thought that I should be grateful to be having problems with an old box instead of problems with a new box.) At that moment the Short One came back with a clean remote.

“You lock the truck?” the Tall One asked the Short One. “There’s a Nigger up in there looking over the truck. Better lock it.” So the Short One went back outside.

“Any more questions?” the Tall One urged me.

“Usually when you sign up for service they give you a channel line-up so that you know what channels you’re getting. I don’t seem to have many channels” I responded.

“You got like – 900 Channels!” he retorted. “That guy show you how to use this?” he asked.

“He could barely speak English,” I answered, shaking my head. ”

The Tall one took the new remote and began clicking around with it. “You control the volume with this?” he inquired. I shook my head. He fiddled with it and set it up so that the TV was connected to the DVR.

“Finally, a universal remote!” I said.

The Short One popped back in. “Get her a booklet thing,” the Tall One said. The Short One. popped back out. The Tall One selected the Channels Category. “See now, here are all the channels up and down and the other things like movies, sports, news, what not, are side to side.”

The Short one popped back in with a crumpled instruction booklet. “I’m going to write my number on this,” The Tall One said, snatching the booklet from the Short One. “You have any problems, you call me direct, not customer service.”

“We provide good service!” the Tall One barked loudly, as if to put me in my place. He strutted out. The Short One smiled, nodded and followed him. I then realized that the booklet they gave me had nothing whatsoever to do with my equipment. It was an instruction booklet for the remote I used to have with a standard cable receiver – unbelievable!

So there I was with a new remote, an old DVR, bogus instructions and a dilemma. Do I keep the Cable Service (now that it’s finally working after a week of complaining) and cancel the Satellite Service? ... No. I decided. It was too late to cancel the Satellite Service and I had to fight tooth and nail with the Cable Monopoly just to get basic, adequate service that didn’t offer my favorite channels.

So I compromised. I kept the Internet Service with the Cable Monopoly (because it actually worked), and I cancelled the TV service.

The Satellite Technician showed up on Monday and guess what? He was clean, spoke English and was very polite. He issued me new, clean, state-of-the-art equipment that worked immediately. He also gave me a new color-coded channel card and a booklet that explained how to use the equipment and whom to contact if I had a question or problem. He gave me a new remote (that I could handle without cringing) and took the time to explain what all the buttons were for and how to use the DVR.

Isn’t that how service is supposed to be? I think the Cable Monopoly needs to look up the word “quality” in the dictionary.

I took the Cable equipment back on the bus. It was bulky, weighed 15 pounds (very heavy for my petite 5’1” frame). I threw my back out carrying it and cursed that darned Cable Monopoly every step of the way. (I could’ve paid a Cable Technician $20 to come and get it, but I don’t see why I should reward the Cable Monopoly financially for providing me with substandard equipment and poor customer service!)

Please share your Cable Monopoly experiences with me. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. If you are fed up and ready to switch to a Satellite system, I’d be happy to give you a referral. (Send a quick email request to orka_orka@yahoo.com.)

Maybe we have a basis to file that Class Action Law Suit. The utility monopolies are regulated, why shouldn’t the Cable Monopoly be required to provide adequate service to the public?